Tom Brady’s Country Club Membership In Jeopardy Because He’s Too Awesome

Tom Brady’s Country Club Membership In Jeopardy Because He’s Too Awesome

On the surface, Tom Brady has it all: four Super Bowl rings, two MVPs, ten Pro Bowl appearances, an AP Male Athlete Of The Year Award, a biscuit of a supermodel wife, and a jawline so chiseled that I could break coconuts on it for my margaritas. But, according to The Golf Channel, his application to be a member at the exclusive The Country Club in Brookline, Massachusetts is in Jeopardy because he’s dominating life a little too hard.

Per Golf Channel:

Brady and supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen have applied to be members at the club in Brookline, Mass., but it’s not a guarantee that they will be accepted because they’re too fabulous.

Well, and that now six-month-old story involving slightly deflated footballs. Club members, who value privacy and discretion above all, are worried about the media frenzy that has followed Brady.

A prominent Boston businessperson told the Globe: “I don’t know what they’ll do about Brady. The Country Club believes your name should appear in the newspaper just two times: When you’re born and when you die.”

Earth to this prominent Boston businessperson: it’s Tom fucking Brady. Let the boy play. Sure, it may not be the worst idea to clarify that he shouldn’t be putting in requests to the DJ to play “Trap Queen” after the club championship, but I think this anonymous “businessperson” has a slight inferiority complex. You have to be a real grade-A dickhead to anonymously tell a fucking newspaper that you should only have your name in the newspaper twice in life while publicly trashing Tom Terrific. Dude is probably a Bills fan.

What’s the worst that can happen? A couple paps are sitting outside the entrance when Tom rolls in with Keegan Bradley and MJ? Some wives are ogling Tom’s dad bod at the pool while a bunch of old dudes trip over themselves while Gisele reapplies her tanning oil? Sounds like a good time to me, but I’m just another regular Joe who likes poolside Mai Tais while listening to Sisqo’s “The Thong Song,” so I’m probably not going to be taking any swings in Brookline any time soon.

Fortunately, it’s also reported that admission to Club is based on more than your status. One member explained to The Boston Globe, “It’s really about who you are. Do you have good values?”

Well, Tom Brady is a Michigan Man, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

[via Golf Channel]

Image via Youtube

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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