This Organized Run Is 0.0 Miles Long And Features Alcoholic Beverages

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I hate running. I really hate running. Running is worse than the devil. Did I get my point across? I despise moving my legs faster than a brisk walk. I do love beer, though. Thankfully, the gods sent us a genius to fix all of those issues. It’s dubbed the “Instant Gratification Run,” and it is the best distance race you’ll ever participate in.

The Instant Gratification Run will take place in Philadelphia and runs along a winding course of exactly 0.0 miles. Actually, there isn’t even an inch or two of actual running in there. You show up, fetch your bib, line up on the starting line, then go get fucking hammered on the post-race “adult beverages.”

From Runner’s World:

The race’s web site reads, “The Philly 0.0 was started as a way to bring runners and non-runners alike together in the middle of winter to enjoy the best part of any running event—THE POST-RACE FESTIVITIES.”

Participants will receive bib numbers, and will line up as if they were going to race, but the start will also be the finish. Participants will be able to proudly sport their event T-shirts around town without necessarily having to do all of the training that goes along with traditional races. It’s the perfect race for injured runners, too.

It’s a no lose event. You literally do nothing but get drunk and claim you ran a race. The race organizers are even kind enough to email you a congratulatory email following your completion of the event.

Philadelphia Magazine reports that the race will send participants emails congratulating everyone on their :01 finish time, and awards will be selected randomly, so everyone has an equal shot at a prize.

We’re all winners in this one. .

[via Runner’s World]

Image via Shutterstock

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Bogey Wells

Bogey Wells is a TFM Senior Freelance Contributor. He occasionally dabbles with PGP.