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Brunch is the mid-to-late twenties happy hour. It’s the social glue that shows whether or not you’re crushing it, because nothing screams, “I’m livin'” like spending $45 on eggs and champagne. Despite the fact that brunch is more popular than ever, it’s still been a restaurant staple since we were in middle school.
Case in point: this vintage Anthony Bourdain interview where he gives fair warning about what to avoid in restaurants when it comes to your health and well-being. Even though Bourdain is kind of an asshole, this video from 2001 makes him come off as a seemingly well-meaning dude who has intel about restaurants that most chefs wouldn’t actually tell you. And I gotta say, the main points of emphasis really ruin brunch for you.
1. The bread you’re eating before your meal is possibly from an old table.
“The first rule of classical cooking,” he says, “is to use everything.” That’s especially scary when you take into consideration the story he follows up with, and that’s the fact that most bus boys will probably take an old basket of bread from an earlier table and reuse the bread that wasn’t eaten. Yeah, it’s disgusting.
2. You’re getting completely screwed at brunch.
Eggs are cheap. Brunch is not. Anyone in their right mind knows that getting charged $15 for Eggs Benedict pretty much offsets the shitty champagne you’re drinking in your bottomless mimosas. They also take the scraps from previous day’s lunches and dinners and use them in dishes that you’re attempting to cure your hangover with.
3. Hollandaise is one of the grossest things you can eat at a restaurant.
That Eggs Benedict we just talked about? Yeah, it’s probably smothered in hollandaise sauce which is essentially just raw eggs. And because raw eggs are susceptible to bacteria, that means hollandaise is susceptible to bacteria. He goes on to say that if the restaurant isn’t making a fresh batch hourly, “it could hurt you.” Woof.
4. If you’re eating fish Saturday through Monday, you’re eating gross fish.
Most fish is shipped during the week, so if you’re eating a cut of salmon on Monday, it’s entirely possible that your filet has been sitting in the restaurant’s fridge since Friday when it was delivered. That’s fucking gross. If the fish is being delivered Monday through Friday, stick to the steadfast rule of enjoying your fish between Tuesday and Friday to avoid throwing up some shitty Skipjack that went unused on Saturday and Sunday.
5. Cleanliness is next to godliness.
Whether it’s the restaurant’s bathroom or waitstaff, a clean, presentable and happy atmosphere signals a lot about the well-being of wherever you’re eating. If there aren’t high standards for everything around you, chances are that the kitchen is lagging behind as well. Head on a swivel.
Watch the full video below, and please take note of the dope earring Anthony Bourdain is crushing on his left ear. That’s how you know it’s from 2001. Oh, and the fact that he looks like a baby compared to the weathered piece of leather he is now.
Sorry, guys, I love brunch as much as you. But I might have to retire from Eggs Benedict. .
[via Town & Country]
Image via YouTube
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
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Never trusted that salmon “benny” every basic girl was ordering. I usually get a burger, and always enjoy the free bread from a previous table.
All of his books are great. Kitchen Confidential is a must read.
Came here to say the same thing. Don’t eat fish on Mondays!