This Man Bun-Wearing Hipster Santa In Portland Will Ruin Christmas For You

Portland's Hipster Santa Needs To Be Stopped

Brooklyn gets a bad reputation for being the hotbed for all hipsters, but because they’re three hours behind the rest of the working world, Portland and Seattle often go forgotten. Around every corner is someone putting their nose up to Starbucks coffee and thinking to themselves, “Damn, I need some more wax to keep my curly mustache under control.” Frankly, it sucks.

The unfortunate thing about hipsters is that they can’t leave things alone; they can’t allow things to exist the way they’ve traditionally existed. From nativity sets to vinyl records in place of digital files, they’ve sincerely found it impossible to just let. things. be.

And now they’ve compromised Santa. It flew under my radar last year which is unfortunate, but now Hipster Santa is back in Portland.

I know it’s Santa Claus and this might be against everything is right, but I really want to punch this Hipster Santa dude in the fucking face. Like, to the point where his head jerks to the side and his candy cane earring goes flying into his slow-pour coffee. While his cardigan is fire and something I could see John Mayer wearing onstage while playing with The Dead, the fact that he has his locks in a man bun goes against everything my father ever taught me was sacred in this world.

If you live in Portland and take the time visit him on a Thursday between now and December 22nd at Pioneer Place, please send me an email so I can give you my number and we can FaceTime so I can let this guy know what a disservice he’s doing Christmas as we know it.

[via KAGS TV]

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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