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I can’t imagine planning a wedding. I can barely pick an Instagram filter let alone the food, flower arrangements, seating chart, or the typeface on the invitations. The amount of coordination that must go into planning something of that magnitude is just beyond the scope of what I consider to be manageable. So when I come across some dumb shit like this, it makes me fear for my life.
There are bridezillas and then there’s this broad. Now I pretty much make a living making fun of people’s weddings. That’s just what I do. But I’m not here to discuss this because it’s on-brand. I’m here to discuss it because it’s the most moronic shit I’ve ever seen. Like, Things Girls Do After Graduation type of moronic.
The New York Post ran a story about a bride who was discussing her $100,000+ wedding (humble brag much, lady?) in Paris. When it came to her shoe choice, she went full diva status and made one of the more outrageous demands I’ve ever heard.
When Jennie Wilson of Soho got engaged in December 2014, the former Oakland Raiders cheerleader didn’t hoof it to any of Manhattan’s posh shoe boutiques to shop for wedding-day stilettos. Instead, she called on French cobbler to the stars Christian Louboutin to personally design a pair for her.
The catch? They had to be vegan.
When I read this, I audibly said, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I was driving (yeah, I was on my phone while driving, deal with it) and I considered throwing my phone out the window and heading straight for Alaska where I’d never have to talk to anyone again. The notion that a pair of shoes have to be vegan is beyond me. In what I thought only applied to diets, veganism was now being applied to wedding fashion which is without question the most basic-ass request you could possibly make. Luckily, she went on.
“I did not want an animal to die [just so I could wear] its skin as leather,” she explained.
It took months for Louboutin to find materials that met both Wilson’s wishes and his exacting standards, and to figure out a cruelty-free construction — right down to his trademark red soles.
So this chick went to one of the top designers in the fucking world and was like, “Here, I need some custom kicks for my wedding, but because I’m high maintenance and want to make your life a living hell, I’m going to force you to source vegan materials.” Now, I haven’t seen photos from the wedding but if I know anything about wedding dresses, I know that 99.9 percent of them touch the ground and completely cover the bride’s feet, thus rendering her footwear completely useless. She could be wearing Yeezy Boosts or Nickelodeon Moon Shoes for all we know. Custom shoes from Louboutin start at $3,400, and while they’re not disclosing the price of the shoes, you have to imagine she spent upwards of $10,000 considering this dude had to forage through fucking Europe looking for materials.
The vegan bullshit didn’t stop there, though. All the food served to the 60 guests ($1,600+ per guest if you’re counting at home) was vegan as well – “semolina cabbage flower rather than steak.” I don’t even know what that is, but if I’m flying across the ocean for a wedding, I better get a goddamn steak out of the deal. I bet this girl who apparently cares so much about her health ended up blacking out on Veuve Clicquot because she had the base of some leaves to drink on rather than an actual meal.
Bet of luck to the happy couple, though. That groom’s gonna need it. .
[via The New York Post]