My 23-year-old cousin got married yesterday. Once a doe-eyed virgin new to the Bay Area, she optimistically downloaded Tinder, swiped right for the first guy she saw, and a year later she’s walking down a corridor in City Hall in a Banana Republic dress she got on sale back in 2012. *CLINK!*
Me on the other hand, loathes anything having to do with effort, and would much rather find stats-backed online quizzes to find out who I’m going to marry. In TIME magazine’s most recent attempt at “millennial journalism,” they report how your college major can predict who you’ll lock down ‘til death (or mutual hatred) do you part.
In almost every case, like attracted like. The award for most compatible majors goes to Performing Arts majors, who are 38 times more likely to marry one another, followed by Law majors (33 times more likely). At the opposite end of the spectrum, Business majors–the second most popular major, after Education–are only 1.7 times more likely to walk down the aisle together, followed by Family Studies majors (also 1.7) and Engineers (1.8).
To me, this makes sense. The Performing Arts majors need to find someone that can appreciate their ability to mime on command and the Law majors need to find someone just as boring as they are. On the other end, Education and Family Studies majors realize they’ll be living on food stamps if they marry someone of the like, hence why they would shoot for the stars when looking for a partner.
So what I’m trying to say here is, congratulations, Hannah. I hope you enjoy the 18″ wooden salad spork from your registry and I can’t wait to see the photos your maid of honor/photographer took of you and Michael on her iPhone 4 of the big day. .