This Guy Just Sent The Retirement Email We All Wish We Could Send

Personally? Can’t wait for retirement. Like I’m counting the days until I can tool around southern Florida in a golf cart with my initials on it. I’ve straight-up gone on record saying that I absolutely cannot wait to live in a retirement community. And part of the reason for that is because you can officially stop giving a shit what people think about you.

Case in point, this dude who just retired from 3M and sent out a zero-fucks-given email to accompany his announcement. The email, which was posted on Imgur by the man’s son, has now been seen across the internet.

It reads as follows.

As many of you know, this is my last day at 3M after a long and, illustrious distinguished awesome ground-breaking , um, a really long career. I can honestly say that I always did my best to push back the foreskin of technology.

I don’t want to lose contact with most of you but I put a few a-holes on the list, also. I thought that would make life more interesting. If you think you are one of them — you probably are.

Feel free to pass this info on to anyone who wants to send me money. I wish you good luck running in to me in the future. I’ll be dead soon enough since I’m so old. Bye.

The email really has it all, from shitting on his career at the company to just shitting on the coworkers he clearly hated. And then to just end with the text version of double-middle fingers, “Bye.”? Absolutely love it.

His son went on to clarify that his father will never be bored again, as he’s officially bought a new home complete with a shop in his garage. Sure, it’s no golf cart, but sounds like this old dude will do just fine for himself.

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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