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Breakups are a catalyst of epic proportions. With a simple utterance of “it’s over,” you are quickly thrown head-over-heels into a ton of (unwanted) changes and adjustments. Removing a person from your life who had become a part of your daily routine can be really tough.
The problem with breakups is this: they seep over into every aspect of your life, as did the former relationship. Now, even the smallest things can be triggering. Wedding invites with beautiful calligraphy arriving in your mailbox don’t carry the same sense of excitement. Once upon a time, you and your significant other would high-five over another chance to get lit at an open bar together. But now, you sadly stick it to the fridge with a magnet and shop your friend’s Target registry, alone. Birthday reminders, anniversary dates, and other calendar alerts have to be deleted. Someone has to get removed from your iPhone Favorites list.
Even Netflix has become slightly tainted, in some ways. All of a sudden, you can’t even watch an episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt without thinking about those nights spend in with your ex, drinking Cabernet like water and wearing your ugliest sweatpants. No more live-texting Game of Thrones episodes. Now you have to force your friends to do these things, to act as your emotional crutch for the time-being. The upside of this is you can now watch any Netflix show at whatever pace you want. No more having to wait around for your significant other to “be in the mood” to watch the show you’ve been dying to catch up on for a week. Binge all the on-demand television your little heart desires.
Exercise has also taken on a different connotation. Exercising when you’re in a relationship usually falls by the wayside after you’ve effectively captured the heart of your lover. Want to know the signs of a new, happy couple? They get together and gain 10 pounds. Lots of nights spend cooking and drinking a bottle of wine a night really start to lay it on. But you’re happy, so you don’t really care. Why go to the gym when you can go to the liquor store? All the fun sex you’re having must be burning some calories, anyway.
Then all of a sudden you’re single, and those 10 lbs. you earned at the beginning of your relationship hung around even though they weren’t invited to stay. Exercise is now a requirement. It’s time to get back in the game, people. Get working on that revenge bod! Any hopes for abs this summer may be shot, but there’s always next year!
Grocery shopping is another place where some major changes happen. Grocery shopping in a relationship is fun. You’re dicking around at the store, trying all the samples, and using your thought-out list as a guide. You and your other half are cooking dinner together three nights a week, after all!
Now that I’m single, I’m pushing my cart around with headphones in, blaring the most depressing Randy Rogers Band songs available and avoiding all human contact. And shopping with a list? Forget it. We are doing this live. Two-for-one Ben and Jerry’s? That sounds good. Family-size box of Cap’n Crunch? Throw that in there, too. The pitiful look I get from the cashier at Publix lets me know that my choice of groceries truly give my relationship status away.
Breakups are pervasive. They’re a pain in the ass, and getting through one sucks. Relationships affect every single aspect of your life. When those relationships end, you have to figure out how to navigate through the rough times, yourself.
At the end of the day, you’ll survive it. Lean on those friends who don’t mind being the person on the receiving end of those “I just need to vent for a minute” texts. They’re the same friends who will probably stalk your ex’s social media for you if you ask nicely. Try and give yourself a break, and for the love of God, stop listening to those old Drake tracks..
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@taylordoestweet
@itsthestovallshow
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Sorry about the breakup, Taylor. Always sucks for awhile. Though it’s cliche, take a moment every now and then to remind yourself that it’s better to get it out of the way now than even further down the road.
Plus, you’ve got the kickass PGP community here for you. He’s probably alone and sucks.
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“blaring the most depressing Randy Rogers Band songs available”
I know that all too well. Sorry about your breakup, Taylor.
I was listening to an unhealthy amount of Gary Allen as my coping mechanism
At least 60% of RRB’s catalog is depressing songs, but goddamn its a great catalog.
I recently broke up with a great girl and I had no idea how much it would change my daily life. You hit the nail on the head. It was weird coming home from work and not having somebody to talk about my day with and listen to talk about hers. Everything just feels lonely and empty. I ended up just going camping/fishing 3 weekends in a row which actually really helped. I’m not sure if you’re into fly-fishing, but getting away from people and turning my phone off really helped to clear my head and put things in perspective.
Fishing is the cure for just about everything…just don’t go catching lobsters though for obvious reasons
Agreed, and noted. I never thought it was fair how y’all get abducted caged then boiled alive on a regular basis and can see how the prospect of it would drive a crustacean to drink heavily
Read “It’s called a break up because it’s broken.” It helped me immensely.
Break ups suck.
also listen to Greg Behrendt, that man is funny
Thank you for this. I’m going through the same thing right now and each day brings new challengers. Adjusting to a whole new life is confusing and lonely. I’m trying to not overwhelm my friends but I just feel very alone. That hardest part is at night, since me and the ex slept in the same bed every night. We agreed to be friends once the time is right, since we were good friends before dating and pretty much every friend we have is mutual. But I’m getting there and yesterday was easier than today, and who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow. Trying to not drink for fear of drunk actions and emotions, but if anyone else has any tips, let me know because this girl is trying to move forward with her life.
Don’t ever be afraid to lean on your friends – that’s what they’re for. They will share in your pain and embrace you in your eventual happiness. I’m a divorced, single mom, so I completely understand the utter emptiness that you feel in all of the sudden sleeping alone and not having that person that was always there. For me, it was terrifying, as all of my adult life I had had that person and all of the sudden, I had two tiny humans relying on me to make sure they were safe, healthy, happy and had the upbringing I wanted them to have.
It sucks for awhile, but I feel like you have to let it, and let yourself get all of that suck out before you can start to build back up. Be alone and let yourself find some things about yourself that you never knew. For me, it was learning that I didn’t need someone to do all of the household chores for me…that I was totally capable of using tools, fixing things, doing yard work, etc. As it turned out, I really loved it and it made me feel proud and more complete than I had felt the day before.
We are all growing humans, and through each of our relationships we change just a little bit. If we end up outside of that relationship, I truly believe that we have grown just the right amount to bring us safely into the next part of life that’s in store for us.
Best wishes to you, girl. One day at a time.
This could be terrible advice, but something else that helped me besides fishing was getting drunk. One night shortly after my breakup I turned my phone off and put it in a drawer, locked my door, turned on some music and drank a bottle of whisky. Make sure you don’t leave and don’t text anybody (unless there’s an emergency), but get snockered by yourself. Cry. Punch a door. Scrunch a pillow against your chest til it hurts. Break a framed picture of y’all together. Flip over your coffee table. Don’t be afraid of those drunk emotions. Have them. Experience them. Then let them go. I woke up feeling like shit, but also like a weight had been lifted off my chest.
Yeah my friends just want to go out and get drunk and I’m not ready for that at all. Everything’s just so fresh, I’m trying to get through a day without crying. It wasn’t mutual, but he feels like he lost who his is and is trying to figure life out. I offered to go on a break, but he wanted something more permanent and also he didn’t want to put me through the same thing essentially twice. I guess it helps that I know it was a “not you but me” type of thing. Trying to not hold on to the idea that we can try again but it’s constantly in the back of my mind.
If you’re gonna drink,do it with a couple real good friends at home. That way you can shut it down when you need to and if things go south it’s just your BFFs not a herd of bar randos
In my experience, breaks are never a good idea. They drag things out. If that questioning and doubt is there it won’t leave. I don’t know you, but it seems like breaking up was the best choice in the long run, it just sucks now. It’s ok to cry every day or not want to go out drinking. It all just takes time. Just don’t try and bottle up the pain and pretend everything is fine when it’s not.
Randy Rogers Band though, good choice
Take the earphones out and talk to people at the grocery. Who knows who you’ll meet while staring aimlessly at yogurt?
Give it a little time man. She can’t be flirting with the guy buying avocados for his toast just yet. Plus we know he won’t ever be able to afford a house
So what you’re saying is if they have abs they aren’t relationship material
No way a girl that can casually drop Randy Rogers Band references into her content stays single for long. I’ve now added that to my list of things I’m looking for (but obviously don’t deserve) in my next significant other.
I found my biggest complaint after my recent one was the loss of routine. Didn’t know what to do with myself lol