This App Will Allow You To Split Restaurant Bills Based On Your Gender And Race

This App Will Allow You To Split Restaurant Bills Based On Your Gender And Race

You know when you’re sitting at a group dinner and you get a Venmo notification that someone wants to split the bill despite the fact that they ordered all the appetizers and you didn’t even want them in the first place? You groan out of annoyance, but eventually pay the tab equally just so you’re not “that guy” who screws over the person that put their card down. Yeah, well, those days are over now that some app called Equitable is changing the way people can split bills forever.

There’s that whole “pay gap” thing you hear so much about. It’s driven by race and gender, where white men make out like bandits and everyone else justifiably points there finger and asks, “Why the hell do they make more than me?” Well, now that’s all going to get straightened out by an app that will split your tab based on your gender and race to account for the wage gap that’s (apparently) the elephant in the room when it comes to dining out with friends.

Here’s a video explaining the ins and outs of EquiTable.

Upon watching, I legitimately couldn’t tell if this is a serious app that will be available for download or if white people everywhere are being trolled and we’re all too stupid to understand the joke. But if you’re sitting at work and are unable to watch video with sound, the app is described as follows:

The new app promises to split the bill equitably not equally, so that everyone pays what they should based on the wage gap.

Users program their race and gender into the app, then tell it how much the bill is and which of their EquiTable friends they dined with. An algorithm determines how much each user owes based on “affirmative fractions.”

Well, fuck. Gone are the days of “I forgot my wallet!” and “My Venmo isn’t working.” Nope, everyone has a whole new slew of issues to deal with.

As the alleged “whitest dude at our company” according to some, I’ll refuse to condemn this app because I don’t really feel like that’s a good look for me despite the fact that I don’t see race, gender, or anything in between and therefore believe we should all pay equal amounts. But you know, saying something like that might rub people the wrong way, and the last thing I want to do is offend anyone.

Oh, but per The Atlantic, “The comedians and developers behind Equipay say they’re ‘absolutely planning to release it (and a commercial) soon.'”

[via New York Magazine]

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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