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Earlier this week in Dillon’s mailbag, he stated that people who pull from the bottom are “bonafide psychopaths and I won’t hear an argument to the contrary.” I, ever the contrarian, would like to dispute this notion. I don’t claim that pulling from the bottom of the roll is superior to pulling from the top. This is just ridiculous. However, I do believe that it does not matter which end you pull from. And I honestly cannot understand why anyone would care.
I mean, are people really that anal (hehe) that they cannot operate the toilet paper if they have to reach slightly differently? Do folks really care enough to calibrate which end of the roll will be going over, rather than just popping it on there quick when you need a new roll and deal with the consequences?
Since I am a man of the people (and I’ve been getting hit hard for throwing out some bad takes recently), I’ve asked for the opinions of my fellow, illustrious remote writers, to see if they have any strong and/or funny thoughts on the matter. Here are their takes, along with my comments.
Missmackay
Over, that’s the only way it should be done. If I visit someone else’s home and the TP happens to be under, I’ll change it. I’m a fantastic house guest.
Strong agreement with Dillon right out of the gate. But I do question if Missmackay would even remain friends with someone who reveals to put the toilet paper under. Isn’t that like irreconcilable differences? I do love the power move to change the TP from under to over at someone else’s house. That’s some BDE right there.
Charlie
Over. I don’t understand how this can even be an argument.
It’s an argument because whenever someone says “there can be no argument to the contrary,” I get a stick up my craw and feel the need to be a naysayer. Some people think it’s fun and endearing. Many, many, many…many people do not. Either way, I will fight Charlie shirtless outside a Moroccan restaurant in Vegas over this disagreement I couldn’t care less about! Not really, but I know we’ve both been watching the first season of Vanderpump Rules and I wanted to work in a reference to the Jax/Frank fight.
Everett
Putting the toilet paper so the roll goes over and toward you is the one true way to do it. When I’m at work and I see it’s been put under, I turn it around because I’m a philanthropist. People who put the roll underneath are sociopaths who fail the DSM-5 and will only fake human emotions to manipulate and hurt you. Putting the roll underneath is like using a cucumber as a dildo: Sure, it WORKS, but it’s definitely not the way God intended for it to be done.
Man, when I have to take care of business at work the last thing I’m looking at is whether the TP is rolled over or under. I’m more focused on making sure the WiFi signal doesn’t die on me, how to beat my cocky cousin at Words with Friends, and ignoring the fact that this seat could have had a 300-pound guy’s ass on it not five minutes ago. I don’t like my co-workers enough to cover my food when I microwave it, let alone fiddle with the toilet paper to satisfy their compulsions. But I guess you’re a better man than me, Everett.
Kevin Caulfield
Personally, I’ve never actually paid attention to how I put the tp roll on the tp roller although I do get mad at myself when I put it under, I’ll still never change it but that’s just out of sheer laziness and the fact that I have a bidet so I already know that I have the cleanest butthole in every room that I walk into. That being said, if you’re a person who actually goes out of their way to put it under you’re a certified asshole who shouldn’t be allowed to wipe and should be sentenced to a life of mud-butt.
God bless you Kevin, you took the words right out of my mouth. Like, I guess if I ever thought about which way to put the roll on, over is definitely the way to go. But I can’t understand how are people so OCD that they see the roll is under and think “that must be rectified now!” Also, big shouts to team bidet, you guys are the real ballers and I hope to join you one day.
So there you have it folks. The majority opinion sides with Dillon, saying that over is the only accceptable way to position the roll and failing to do so should be grounds for being sent to Guantanamo Bay. On the other hand, you can be like Kevin and I, who don’t really care which way the roll goes on, but would generally agree that over is better. And if you intentionally put the TP roll so you pull from under, well maybe take this article as an opportunity to examine how your life went so horribly wrong. .
Respond
@joshetyler
@joshetyler
Only argument I’ve heard for under is to prevent cats from unrolling it, but a world where we start validating Reddit cat people opinions is not a world I want to live in.
Plus cats are jerks and there is nothing you can do to stop them from destroying something once they decide to. Source: I have a cat.
or children from unrolling it tbf
The original patent for toilet paper holders has the paper going over and towards you. Case closed.
The real problem is not that you put the roll over/under. The real problem is that people have such strong opinions on something so fucking stupid
That cucumber comparison was gold
It’s always over because it makes it easier to grab the toilet paper from the roll. If you have it under, it hits the wall when you go to grab it which minimizes optimal tear and also risks getting your fecal fingers in contact with stuff that doesn’t need shit on it for those idiots who still can’t take care of themselves properly. Also, cats are useless appendages of a family unit unless it’s a tiger or a lion that hunts for food for the pride lol
Pretty sure Kevin did not agree with you that it doesn’t really matter
People think beyond your first world discomfort. The issue is not which TP director. The life-changing question, which hand is used to wipe the bum?
Helpfully it’s not the hand used to shake my, that prepares my food, gives me that critical document, and or use my pen (or I use their pen) to sign that salary enhancing contract!? Think diseases that can turn genitals green, flesh-eating bacteria, unpronounceable viruses, and gross bodily particles.
Rise the right (correct not side nor direction) hand to awareness, “DON’T EAT WITH THE HAND THAT WIPES YOU!” (or that only uses 1-ply TP.)