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Hangovers are the worst. That is a well known fact here, and it’s a topic that has been discussed at length within this community. However, to my knowledge, no one has ranked which days are the worst to be hungover on, which is what I’m going to attempt to do here.
Whether you went whiskey on a weeknight, a buddy came into town and you had no choice, or you just split two bottles of wine with your SO while watching recorded Jeopardy episodes (wasn’t me, can’t prove it), we’ve all been hungover and we’ve all been hungover when we really would rather not be. So, here is one man’s opinion of when waking up hungover sucks the most.
(Before I begin, let me once again preface that this is a ranking of worst days to become hungover after waking up (whether it is as soon as your head lifts from the pillow or after you sober up with a McGriddle on the way to work), not just feel terrible in general. The Sunday Scaries have to be as close as you can get to death without dying. There isn’t even a comparison.)
With that, let’s get to the breakdown starting from the least sucky:
THE OBVIOUS
7. Saturday – What explanation is really needed here? You slept in, woke up with a semi-headache and grabbed a morning beer or made a mimosa. Oh look, Lee Corso is putting a live tiger on his head, football is on now…. and you’re back at it before noon. Whew, that was hard.
6. Sunday – While Sunday is significantly tougher than Saturday, it is still far and away the second best day to be hungover, even if it is a crippling two-day one at this point. Heck, even if you are a better person than me and find a way to church on Sunday, being a little shaky at church for an hour is way better than working for eight. Also: Brunch almost always happens on Sundays.
**ALSO ALSO NFL STARTS THIS SUNDAY SO YOUR STUPID HANGOVER NOW JUST LEADS TO ANOTHER DAY OF DRINKING AND EATING AND YELLING AT A TV OH MAN FOOTBALL IS THE BEST PLEASEEE BE GOOD DAK!!**
5. Friday – Another obvious choice. You’re probably hungover because you went to happy hour with the work crew, so you know you other good people are fighting the same fight. And this fight is all about dodging punches ’til the clock runs out at 5 and you get to the weekend.
THE UPSET
4. Monday – Yeah, that’s right. Monday is the fourth best day to be hungover. Let that sink in. Why, you ask? Because it’s Monday! Monday sucks no matter what, so why not be nursing a little out of hand Sunday brunch pain? You’re not the hungover guy, you just have a case of the Monday blues like everyone else. Monday’s may be the worst, but hangovers only contribute to a small part of that.
THE NO-WIN SCENARIO
3. Wednesday & 2. Tuesday – Choosing between Tuesday and Wednesday is like pulling teeth, but that’s what I’m here for. Wednesday is better than Tuesday due to the fact that when you’re done with Wednesday your week is beyond half over. Though you can’t see it, you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Only two more days.
Tuesday, though? Yikes. If you haven’t reexamined your entire life while sweating, shaking and double fisting a red bull and a lemon water at your desk on a Tuesday, you haven’t lived … or died … or something in between. I’m shivering just thinking about it. Thanks in advance for creating this hell, Monday Night Football.
THE CONTROVERSY
1. Thursday– Thursday is the worst day to be hungover. Let me explain.
While Tuesday is the model at the bar laughing at you for even trying to talk to them, Thursday is your crush who friend zones you. You know Tuesday is going to suck going in, while Thursday just breaks your spirit. Entering Thursday at the office, you have 40% of the work week left, which is almost half (trust me, I do finance), yet you are already counting down the hours until the weekend and enter the day with hopes high … hopes that fade away completely by 10 a.m. when you are already ordering Jimmy Johns and hoping nobody notices your 2 hour “lunch” (read: nap in your car).
Let me know what you think below. I wrote this while drinking and watching the Rangers win at 1 a.m. on a Tuesday. Cheers, and best of hangovers..
Respond
Chanandler Bong
Few people understand his humor or what he does for a living, but he has AT LEAST 5 Friends. Unfortunately none of them are Jennifer Aniston.
Low key love getting fucked up in the middle of the week for no reason whatsoever.
That’s the type of life I dream of living. Instead I fall asleep on the couch after two dinner drinks
Gotta find that extra gear. Find your inner animal. Let it fucking rip, man
Only one way to test this theory – we need live results from a degenerate to get shit-faced each night of the week and discuss there thoughts on the subject while hungover. I’ll humbly take on this responsibility if needed.
That sample size is entirely insufficient for any sort of credible result. As both a degenerate and a scientist it is my duty to join in this test.
Well hello drinking buddy for a week.
DeFries, can you guys set this up for us?
Aren’t you the assistant…
Thursday is for sure the worst
Wrong. Can do post work HH on Thursday to cure those sweaty shakes. Tuesday is numero uno by far.
Agreed. It’s the worst day of the week in general, so a hangover makes it that much worse. Bears have two MNF games this year so I know I’m due for at least one rough Tuesday.
Accidental post.
You’re due for a couple rough “next days” while Smokin’ J is at the helm
Without a doubt. The amount of primetime games the Bears have this season (for reasons I don’t understand) will lead to several rough work days.
But for a fan that moved out of state it is much appreciated
Tuesday is by far the worst. Went too hard after a Monday softball game and ended up at work slipping between passing out because lack of sleep and throwing up everything I tried to get in my stomach including water. Luckily we have several one-holers in the office and I could take short naps in between the staring at myself in the mirror and wondering why I did this to myself, and depositing my guts in the toilet.
I need to be more productive writing when I drink. Props to you.