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I need a shower in the morning to properly start my day. I’ll never understand how people can skip washing themselves off and just go straight to work unshowered. That is an art that I’ve never mastered.
The morning shower before work is as essential as coffee. It’s a burst of energy, a place to collect your thoughts before you’re force-fed a fresh, heaping pile of shit inside the extremely unfriendly confines of your cubicle.
If I don’t have that shower, my entire day is thrown out of order. I like to take two, sometimes three a day and I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I like to feel clean, don’t sue me over it.
Now I don’t want to get all Seinfeldian on you here, but what’s going on in my apartment right now is straight out of Kramer’s apartment. My water pressure is shit. It’s shittier than shit. It is the bane of my existence, and with a thick, luscious mane that goes down to my shoulders (at least until Friday night when I get it cut), I need a strong stream to get conditioner and shampoo completely removed from my scalp. Look at this – it’s disgraceful.
Water pressure, if you’re unaware, is the straw that stirs the entire drink. Without water pressure, you might as well skip the shower entirely. I’ve had a lot of bad landlords during my time as a renter. But the one I currently have is especially awful because she’s so nice in person. Whenever I see her, we always have an extremely friendly conversation. We talk about life, the incessant barking that emanates from the unit next to mine, and The Americans on FX. She seems to be a great person, the only issue is she never follows up with the things she says she’s going to do.
The carpet in my hallway leading up to my place smell like a wet dog. I asked her to take care of it in person and, of course, she said she would send a cleaning crew out.
Three weeks later and it still hasn’t been done. My toilet was overflowing the first night I moved in and I had to call and pay for my own plumber to come out and fix it myself. She reimbursed me for the bill, but still – the point of having a landlord is for situations like the above. You do these things yourself when you’re a homeowner, not a tenant in an apartment.
If I was making a little more money, I would have gotten out of the renting game with the quickness, but as it stands right now I simply cannot afford to buy a place of my own.
So here I am, stuck in an apartment with faulty plumbing and a subpar shower headstream. And since I have zero faith in my landlord to remedy this issue, I’m thinking about taking matters into my hands.
I don’t need a Commando 450 like Kramer got on the black market in that episode of Seinfeld, but I think I do need to go with a double shower head. I could even make this a fun little Saturday chore.
Go to Home Depot around 8:00 a.m., wear a phone clip like the rest of the dads there, and maybe just talk a little shop with the guys at the front of the store for a half hour while drinking free coffee. I can get my dual shower head, figure out via YouTube how to install the sucker, and be taking showers with a tight, strong stream by 1 or 2 p.m. on Saturday afternoon.
The other option, of course, is much easier and it’s what most people my age would do in this situation – continue complaining about it until eventually I just get used to the weaker shower stream, and then three months later when it finally gets fixed I’ll pretend like nothing was wrong at all when I see the landlord. .
Image via Unsplash