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Thanksgiving is like the Green Monster at Fenway or 17 at TPC Sawgrass. It takes physical strength to power through to the put the ball over the top and mental toughness to be able to zero in on the green. You’ve got to have what it takes to come out on top when it comes to Thanksgiving. I’m here to help you send it over the wall and right next to the hole so you don’t avoid making amatuer mistakes.
Don’t Starve Yourself Until The Big Meal
This might be the biggest mistake I see rookie Thanksgivingers do on the big day. They’ll try and just not eat until the turkey and all the sides are served. WRONG MOVE, BOZO. By doing this, you’re going to be susceptible to the day long snack, effectively killing your appetite for what’s to come. When you’re sitting on your ass all day watching football and smelling what’s going on in the kitchen, your impulses will take over and you’ll have some snack. My recommendation is to have a nice light breakfast to curb that hunger until it’s go time.
Get Some Exercise In Early
Listen, Thanksgiving is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re going to need to at least prep for the copious amounts of food you’re about to put into your body. After you’ve had your light breakfast, hit the outdoors for some physical activity. Don’t be a hero though and run in one of those 5K Turkey Trots. Instead, I recommend rounding up some friends and family for a little friendly game of two-hand touch football. It’s a good way to get a little winded, burn off your breakfast, and lets your body prep to accept all the gluttony that will enter it later. Just a reminder, though that anything goes on the football field. I know it may be touch, but if granny comes across the middle, you have to give her a hard shoulder to let the rest of the field know that it’s your territory.
Drink, Heavily
Now that you’ve satisfied your hunger a little and worked up a good sweat, it’s time to relax and throw on the early morning Lions game. Spoiler alert: It’s going to be a snoozer, so the best thing to do is to start hitting the bottle. It’ll help time fly by to dinner and make the game worth watching. Just because the game ends, that doesn’t mean that it’s time to stop drinking. After you do my next tip, you’re going to need a little something to take the edge off from having to listen to the relatives rant about their politics, why you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend/grandkids yet, and why you never call anymore (I’m not 12 anymore, grandma. I can’t call midday after school because I’m probably on a call contemplating what to make for dinner).
An Afternoon Nap Is A Must
Biggest key to the day is found in the nap. This works for all types of Thanksgivings. If you’re the type who has Thanksgiving lunch, this gives you the chance to sleep off the big lunch you had in order to have good second helpings later that night. If you have the evening Thanksgiving dinner, then the nap is the perfect bridge from your busy morning of drinking and football. Just be careful though, you don’t want to nap too long or too short. Find the perfect length and stick to it.
Stick To The Good Stuff At Dinner
Ahh, dinner. The main attraction. You’re hungry, and you’re ready to devour. But how do you separate the good stuff from the stuff you should barely touch? Easy. The good stuff is always the sides. While turkey is delicious in its own right, you can have turkey any day of the week. Sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, mac n’ cheese, rolls, and stuffing should take up most of your plate. Because these things are an absolute pain to make on any given workday, you want to load up because you know that it’ll be a year before you have them again. Keep the cranberry sauce to a minimum as well. .
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Harrison Lee
Harrison is a Content Manager at Grandex. When he's not working for the man, you can find him on the golf course or blowing his paycheck doubling down on red. LinkedIn profile
@HMontgomery_
And dodge personal questions from your relatives like the office sick person
I’ve pulled the move where I announce to everyone at once that I’m still single and work is good. Nip that talk right in the bud.
No mashed potatoes mentioned in the sides to focus on? You had me until that moment.