The Struggle With Having A Platonic Group Of Guy Friends

The Struggle With Having A Platonic Group Of Guy Friends

I have a great group of guy friends. But I’ve had more drama with these testosterone-laden, beer-filled dudes than the bitchy girls from my high school days.

I met this gaggle last year when I was new to the city. Not knowing many people, they were my go-to for weekend plans. I knew one of them better than the others and felt especially comfortable with him. Since he always kept his eyes at eye level, I could rest assured that he wouldn’t try to make a move. It is for this reason and this reason only, that I never hesitated to ask if he wanted to come with me to an event or a movie.

Of course, his buddies immediately insisted that I had a crush on him. To make matters more complicated, this guy started to date someone who was under the same impression. Suddenly, I was becoming paranoid that any innocuous text would be misconstrued as flirting, so I backed off fast. But in doing so, I ended up becoming best friends with his roommate. Turns out, the roommate and I had a lot in common, namely our mutual boredom.

Cut to a few months later: the roommate and I are slurring-our-words-drunk at a charity event. He tells me he has feelings for me and before I know it, we’re kissing on the dance floor. The friend in me wanted to appease him, do everything in my power to spare his feelings. But the person in me had no interest in getting naked with this guy. I love him, but not like that. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to tell him some variation of that truth. And by “variation” I mean I lied and told him, “I’m not ready for a relationship.”

Somehow or another, our friendship survived that horribly awkward moment. But just when things were starting to settle down, the roommates’ childhood friend (also known as a most charming womanizer) enters the picture. I never particularly liked this guy until recently. And unfortunately, I’m intrigued.

If this guy were any other, I might test the waters and see where it could go. But if I attempted to date the womanizer, it would crush my best friend and I just can’t do that to him.

As much as I want to be friends with guys, it’s never free of complications. My girlfriends tell me that I need to make it clear from the start that I’m only looking for a friendship. But deep down, I secretly (and ironically) worry that if a guy knows for certain that a relationship/sex is off the table, he won’t want to be friends with me anymore.

Image via Shutterstock

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