The Saturday Morning Breakfast Blog: Live From My Office In Chicago

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I started doing the SMBB to give people a shot of life on the weekend. To let you know that when you wake up on Saturday morning the possibilities are endless. The world is your oyster on Saturday, that is unless you have to go into work. I don’t want to bring anyone down on what I believe to be the holiest day of the week, but I’m working all day today.

I’ve got to be into my office by 7:30 a.m., so chances are that by the time you’re reading this on your couch with a fat cup of coffee in your hand, I’ll have already been grinding for a few hours. And I don’t want that to sound like some holier than thou statement.

I’m not bragging when I say that I’m out here grinding for a paycheck. This is the pits. I’m pissed off. I want to be in sweatpants with crumbs all up in the couch cushions and grinded into a ratty t-shirt that no longer gets worn outside of my home.

I don’t want to sit here and tell you about how miserable I’m going to be. I packed a fucking lunch for my day today.

Do you know how demoralizing, how truly deflating it was to wake up at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday and make myself a turkey sandwich and pour some salt and vinegar chips into a Ziploc? I nearly cried in the shower thinking about how much fun all of my friends would be having today. I’ve tried convincing myself that in some weird, twisted way this is a good thing – I won’t spend money on a bar tab day drinking. I won’t be a lazy sack of shit and watch three movies back to back to back. But that didn’t work.

I screamed for the entirety of my fifteen minute drive to the office this morning. I’ve been sighing very loudly every ten to fifteen minutes just looking around at my empty office knowing that some of my coworkers don’t have to be here. And I could go on. Trust me, I could. I’m at my wits end right now. I’ll be here until 5:00 p.m. bare minimum.

But you guys don’t want to hear about this. You don’t click on the SMBB every week to read about me wallowing away in my cube. You come here for a relaxing read. So I’m sorry that I had to tell about my trials and tribulations but it was necessary for this next part. Stay with me for a few more paragraphs because I have a small favor to ask of each and every one of you.

I need you to eat a hearty breakfast this morning. Get two, maybe three cups of coffee inside of you and then start t-bombing (aka texting) your friends. See if they’re available for a day drinking session somewhere where they’ll be showing all of the college football all day long.

Once you get that plan in motion I need you to get into something classic. Maybe some athleisure. Perhaps a crewneck sweatshirt and Levi’s – I don’t really care what you wear, I just want you to be comfortable. Now once you get to that bar, I need you to start hammering beers. Pop an adderall.

Have a disgusting makeout session with a random at the bar. And then after you’ve done all that – tweet me. Snap me. IG DM me. I want to live vicariously through you guys today because I’ve got nothing but time on my hands here in the office. Basically what I’m telling you is that I would really appreciate some entertainment in the form of binge drinking from strangers on the internet. I need this.

I’m pissed I’m working today, and I think this idea – if you guys can come through for me – will really lift my spirits. Just pretend for one Saturday that I’m the gipper. Go out there and win just one for me. That’s all I ask. I’ll be at my desk listening to Billy Joel and feeling sorry for myself. I’m dying over here..

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Johnny D

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