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No matter where you work, you hate someone. It doesn’t matter how big or small the reasons may be, you fucking hate them. Just admit it. Okay, you’ve resolved yourself to that fact? Good. So have all of these people.
A recent Reddit prompt read, “Who do you hate in your office and why?” I was expecting some conniving stories about insider trading and inter-office affairs. But nope, everything was pretttttty fucking petty.
Per Reddit:
Someone amidst the sea of cubicles in my office whistles Pink’s “Just give me a reason” at least once a week. Then I go home whistling it. Then my wife sings it for the next couple days. And days later when it’s finally out of my head, again comes the disembodied whistle, out there amongst the cubicles.
You’d be hard-pressed to find someone more irritating to constantly have stuck in your head than Pink.
500+ lb coworker of mine who talks shit on people that are easily 200lbs less than he is. Talks about how well he has been eating constantly even though he has only gained weight over the past few years. Constantly floods my e-mail with garbage youtube links. Sucks snot into his mouth extremely loud all day every day and hacks it up and spits it into the garbage. Tells incredibly ridiculous far fetched stories non stop that have 0 chance of being true. Answers questions like he is certain of the answer non stop even though he is absolutely never correct. Insists he is right after clearly being proven wrong. I could go on.
You have to respect this guy’s confidence. If you’re constantly attempting to change everyone’s perception of you, eventually they’ll have no other choice but to go along with it.
All of them except for 2 dudes. Everyone in here is the most boring and mundane motherfucker you can imagine with shit interests. The “conversations” they have about absolutely nothing do my fucking tits in. The amount of time spent pretending to work or going to bs “meetings” is insane. I really just don’t like many of them.
If everyone in this office winds up dead after eating poisoned apple sauce out of the break room fridge, we know who did it.
Jeff is in his mid 60’s. He clips his nails in his office, sings “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood” when it is obviously not a beautiful day, and he farts.
Few things are more vile than when someone publicly clips their nails, especially if they don’t take care of the remains. Fuck you, Jeff.
Cuz of a fucking cunt named Jackie who keeps turning the air conditioning off.
Okay, I can understand being a little perturbed that Jackie won’t stop turning off the air conditioning, but dropping a c-bomb on her seems a little rough.
Jim.
Not sure why, but this one is haunting.
Fucking Jimmy, always spilling his coffee. Get your shit together Jimmmy
You know, maybe Jimmy is just always having a really bad fucking day. Did anyone think about that? When it rains, it pours.
People who constantly talk about getting to the weekend, even if it’s Monday.
Okay, Debby Downer. I think we’re all guilty as charged.
My 50-something-year-old manager who wears leggings for pants every FUCKING day.
Man, how dare she? Oh, wait, that’s what every single girl between the ages of 16 and 32 does.
This blonde bitch with bolt on tits that’s sucked upper management’s dicks to get into a position of power. If you try and go against her opinion in any way she pushes her chest out to management and she magically gets her way.
Shit, someone lost out on a promotion to a chick with a lightning bolt tattoo on her boobs. That’s a low point if I’ve ever seen one.
The new guy that transferred in from another location. He walks around talking down to the rest of us that have been there for quite some time – like we haven’t spent the last few years getting along just fine without him.
Soooooomebody’s jealoussssssssssssss.
Fuck that shit that shares a cube wall with me that puts Bruno Mars on repeat.
You mean the greatest entertainer of our generation? Sign me up.
we’ve always got ONE drama llama. I don’t get it. We’re not huge–7 people–but it seems like no matter what turnover, etc happens there’s at least one person that has self inflicted drama.
Fuckin’ Drama Llamas, man. Always stirrin’ the pot for the worst.
My boss, he only works from 9:30 to 4:30. Lie’s through his teeth, and acts like he is God’s gift to women. Originally I thought it was a joke until I audibly laughed about his weekend excipades and he said “no, really” and got defensive.
He has a wife and talks he down all the time which adds to my fustration. He is always “that guy” and is always the exception to the rule.
This guy sounds like the dude from Hitch who said, “Power suit, power tie, power steering.” And I love it.
At my last job, my manager’s office was right across from mine. She’d blast the SAME ‘Take me to Church’ song several times a day, for months, but insisted she could not possibly be bothering anybody since she’d close her door when playing it.
That’s what Will does with “What Do You Mean” but you don’t see me complaining.
This guy Jim. He just pulls pranks on me every day and it has been old for years now. I mean I started to see the fun in a stapler in Jell-O but then I bashed myself with a telephone and it was over. I wish they would just fire him. I’ve been complaining to HR for years now but I fear his permanent file doesn’t really exist. Jim is a jerk.
Okay, now you’re just messing with us. .
[via Reddit]
Image via YouTube
Respond
If someone turns off the AC during the summer, that deserves a tar and feathering at the very least.
Just wanted to let everyone know that it’s been one whole week without a Kendra article.
Stay quiet. Maybe if we pretend she didn’t exist- like PGP did a certain writer- she’ll go away forever.
As far as we know
She probably has a shit storm brewing for us.
Intern, are you stuck at the office while everyone else bolted to Dallas for the UT game tomorrow?
Whose side are you on, PGP Intern?
I’m so glad I am not the only one who has a Jeff. My Jeff’s name is Deborah and she sits right behind me (we don’t have cubicles). She flips her nails and eats chips out of chip bags for hours. She doesn’t fart but I do (payback).
I’m pretty sure “bolted on tits” means she had a boob job and not that she has a lighting bolt tattoo on her chest.
Dammit Halpert
I am proud to say that I have not worn leggings since becoming an adult. And yes, I could wear them and look damn good doing so. I brilliantly understand that they are not pants, and unless I plan on joining yoga cult, a pair will not be rolled up my lovely legs. Please do not group me in with “all girls 16 to 32” that wear them. I hate being grouped in with people that I do not deserve to be grouped with. Thanks a bunch! : )
hahaha