The Real Reasons She Turned Down Your Booty Call

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Women are different than men for a number of reasons. While we love a good hookup as much as any other drunk girl on a Friday night, sometimes we’re just not in the same, slutty, party girl mindset we once were. We have blossomed as young women, and now we cherish our alone time in ways that simply weren’t possible during our two years living in the sorority house. The major advantage women do have over booty calls is that, for the most part, sex will almost always be available to us. This makes us lazy. If we’re not feeling it that night, we have no problem turning you down with a, “Sorry! It’s girls’ night!” or simply not answering your nine, misspelled drunk texts. But don’t get your knickers in a bunch, fellas, because 70 percent of the time, it really is us and not you. Here are 22 reasons I actually didn’t let you come over last Friday night.

1. I haven’t shaved my legs in two days and truthfully, you’re not worth the trouble.
2. I already took off my makeup.
3. I would like to sleep with your hot friend and I don’t want a drunken night with you to ruin my chances of becoming his girlfriend.
4. All of my cute “I was just about to go to bed, fancy you showing up drunk on my doorstep tonight” clothes are dirty.
5. Actually, all of my clothes are dirty and I don’t want you to know that I secretly live in squalor.
6. I haven’t washed my sheets since last weekend when another guy came over, and that makes me feel kind of slutty.
7. I’m eight episodes into “Game of Thrones” and I’m trying to get to 10 before the night ends.
8. The pizza is already on its way and I don’t want you to know I ordered a large just for myself. I also don’t want to share it with you.
9. You’re too drunk.
10. I’m too drunk.
11. I’m waiting on another guy to booty call me first.
12. I just want to cuddle.
13. I’m too sober to deal with what I know will be complete debauchery on your part.
14. I’m already in my bed.
15. I haven’t washed my hair in three days.
16. You’re my ex and I’ll hate myself in the morning.
17. I already have frozen taquitos in the microwave and I don’t want them to go to waste.
18. I’m just feeling “meh” tonight.
19. I already made plans to paint my toes and watch Lana Del Rey music videos.
20. I have to see what happens between Carrie and Mr. Big. It’s irrelevant that I already know how this episode ends.
21. I still haven’t decided whether or not I want to get Taco Bell before it closes.
22. I’d rather just continue smoking this bowl and watching “New Girl” by myself.

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Lyla Garrity

After dumping her high school beau, Tim Riggins, Lyla transferred from Vanderbilt to the most expensive university in Texas and recently graduated only to conclude she is too pretty to spend the next four years slaving away in medical school. With a now worthless Biology degree she’ll be attending business school starting this fall. Her pastimes include cheerleading, brunching, and frequenting pretentious Dallas bars on the weekends.