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10:30 — Alright, going to bed. If anyone’s looking for me, I’m probably jamming to the Alexander Hamilton soundtrack or Googling photos of Ciara’s dress while listening to The Life Of Pablo.
10:28 — For real though, I was tossing “Taxi” by Pitbull on Spotify mixes months ago. I got in on the underground.
10:28 — Sofia Vergara… WOULD. Okay, okay, we’re done with those now.
10:27 — Travis Barker? No one told me we were getting any Blink 182 sightings tonight.
10:26 — Alright, Pitbull. Let’s blow taxi UP.
10:25 — Would love to see Bruno Mars wrestle that little Asian piano player kid.
10:24 — Beyonce… WOULD.
10:22 — Fuck. Now I have to stay up tonight for Kanye’s Twitter rant in response to Taylor.
10:20 — 1989 1989 1989 1989 1989 1989
10:18 — Only way to get through this is to hand out a few more Would Awards.
10:16 — Going over three hours on this show is just getting cocky. No one needs three hours of this. We could’ve cut out half of Bieber’s performance and the rest of the shitty acoustic performances so we could all go to bed at a reasonable hour.
10:12 — Gonna go download KaZaA and get my music for free.
10:10 — Bro, I pay $9.99 a month for Spotify. Enough with the lecture.
10:08 — I respect this kid’s talent, but AWFUL hair game. Probably worst in the building which is saying a lot considering Alice Cooper just hobbled off the stage.
10:08 — Who’s this little twerp ticklin’ the ivory?
10:05 — Seriously though, it’s shocking how few awards have been handed out in the last 3+ hours. I can remember like four. Five max.
10:01 — This is the longest opening act for a Pitbull concert I’ve ever seen.
9:59 — Loved “Ace Of Spades” when I’d play Tony Hawk. Would always try to change it to that song during Free Skate.
9:57 — Tweet of the night:
Whole stage looks like expired mayonnaise.
— Cliff Skighwalker (@Skighwalker) February 16, 2016
9:56 — Good to see Alice Cooper is doing well.
9:50 — Alabama Shakes chick has the same hair as Max from Saved By The Bell.
9:49 — “Couldn’t be less excited for this Cooper/Perry/Depp gig tbh. I’d rather see the backstage cam of them ripping lines and telling stories of debauchery.” Just leaving this here.
9:45 — If Pitbull plays “Timber” then it was worth staying up after my bedtime. Yeah, 9:45 is my bedtime.
9:44 — Thought this was over in 15 minutes. Gotta dig deep for that extra half hour.
9:42 — I’m worried that Lady Gaga is going to do this whole thing where she assumes being David Bowie now that he’s dead. Like she’s going to pretend she’s him for a while until we all write her off for going off the deep end.
9:40 — Gary Clark Jr. just ripping tastyyyyyy licks.
9:39 — Sorry for jawing at Chris Stapleton earlier. He’s making me want to rip a dart in a dark club right now.
9:37 — Jelly of Bonnie Raitt’s grey streak. #SilverFox
9:36 — I’m wearing non-elastic waistband pants tomorrow and am dreading it. Have worn joggers or Baggies every day since last Thursday.
9:34 — “Idk man, Meghan Trainor and Adele are on the same exact fence.” No way, Adele murders Trainor. Not even close.
9:33 — “@WilldeFries you’re missing out not watching the Westminster Kennel Dog Show. The gf is over here just dying at all these puppies.” They should only be able to broadcast that on Sunday nights.
9:32 — This made me laugh. It’s… it’s, well, true.
@WilldeFries David Bowie is a better looking woman than Lady Gaga
— HunterGunther (@HunterGunther) February 16, 2016
9:31 — Bruno Mars would’ve been better than Gaga, just saying.
9:30 — “Will, if you were drinking what would you be throwing down right now?” Monday night? Red wine, everyone knows that. Probably a cab sauv.
9:29 — I’m not looking for her to be Bowie. I’m just looking for her to pay tribute in some way. Huge difference. I don’t think I like this. Whatever. Can’t WAIT for Pitbull to shut this thing down.
9:26 — I mean, this is underwhelming at best. But any time you’re going against Alexander Hamilton, you’re gonna lose that battle.
9:23 — Complete faith in Gaga right now.
9:22 — “How much more battery life do you have left?” 42%. This thing is a beast. Been through a lot tonight.
9:19 — Is “Love Yourself” not about Selena Gomez? Man, you learn something new everyday. Side note: I should probably stop being a 29-year-old trying to emotionally invest in Bieber’s 21-year-old love life.
9:18 — I just blacked out for like, 5 minutes during Bieber. No idea what Meghan Trainor just won.
Bieber's facial hair looks exactly like mine would if I grew it out, and that's like the meanest thing I can say about that
— Dillon Cheverere (@RogerJDorn) February 16, 2016
9:14 — RIP Selena Gomez.
9:12 — He plays guitar lefthanded? Dude has more layers than a damn vidalia onion.
Acoustic "Love Yourself" at The Grammys?
FLASH FLOOD WARNING!
— Will deFries (@WilldeFries) February 16, 2016
9:10 — Bieber, Bieber, Bieber, Bieber.
9:09 — Bieber needs to come out hot with more than just Where R U Now. We need Sorry. We need What Do You Mean. If there’s not a ticking clock onstage setting the beat for Bieber, his whole performance is a failure. #BangersOnly
9:07 — Are they comparing to posting your internet history or shattering your phone? Shatter my phone ten times out of ten. People would think I’m a pyscho if they saw my late night Googles.
9:06 — “Do you think Kid Rock still hangs out with Uncle Kracker?” Of course. #MichiganForever
9:05 — “What about Adele? Would?” Nah. I’m good.
9:05 — Pitbull finale? Man, just when I think I’m done, they reel me back in.
9:04 — I’d probably sound like shit without warming up and drinking all night too. I take back what I said, Adele.
9:03 — I know I’ve eaten a lot of pho. I know I’m tired. I know I’m not one to judge. But Adele doesn’t sound all that great to me. Ellie is somewhere in the crowd winking at someone knowing she won the Battle of Britain tonight.
9:00 — “Hello” or get the fuck out, Adele. You know the program. Don’t be a try-hard.
8:58 — Ugh, just wanna put Bruno in my pocket and let him dance around me at all times. Not forcing him to follow up Kendrick is a huge L for The Grammys.
8:58 — And Kid Rock is just sitting at home smoking a ‘gar wondering what the hell is going on. Damn shame, fam. Damn shame.
8:55 — “This is rock music now? The Alabama Shakes?” — My Roommate
8:54 — If Miguel takes off his jacket and has a Scaries tee on while performing “Waves,” I’ll give free shirts to everyone that’s logged on tonight.
8:52 — I don’t know what that Gwen Stefani shit was but she’s looking RIGHT for being 46.
8:48 — Is this dude REALLY slam poetry-ing his acceptance speech? Get Kendrick back out to answer him!
8:47 — Obviously Hamilton is winning that. That musical is a revelation. Longtime fan.
8:44 — Man, can’t wait to see who follows this. I thought no one could follow that Alexander Hamilton performance but Kendrick rose the occassion.
8:42 — Holy fuck, Kendrick. Take a breath for me one time, bro.
8:40 — Kendrick about to burn this down. I may put my computer down and just vibe in front of the screen.
8:39 — Cheadle’s Miles Davis movie is going to be must-see.
8:37 — Someone Snapchatted me a video of them watching National Treasure while also watching The Grammys. That’s next level Scaries killing stuff.
8:35 — May just toss on the Alexander Hamilton soundtrack and call it a night. I’m just a Broadway connoisseur.
8:33 — Holy shit! Alexander Hamilton! ALL ABOOOOOOOOOARD.
8:31 — If you’re not bobbing your head to this, you’re not giving art a chance.
8:30 — Actually, this is kind of gangster. Slam poetry making a huge comeback right now.
8:29 — Yeah, this is what we all wanted. A Broadway performance about a Alexander Hamilton.
8:28 — They’ve given out, like, two awards tonight.
8:26 — Not sure who this broad is but her hair is remarkable. Way better than this depleted looking Jack White knockoff.
8:25 — Via Twitter: “@WilldeFries Anna Kendrick is looking like a serious “would” tonight 🔥💯” See, y’all can’t just make me out to be a perv. There’s just something in the air tonight.
8:23 — Snoooooooooooze. Less acoustic, more Ellie.
8:22 — Wouldn’t turn down a Kendrick “Cups” performance. Song still goes hard as hell.
8:20 — “Really wish they’d get Flight of the Conchords to do “Bowie” as a tribute.” Got a sneaky feeling Gaga is going to rise to the occasion and crush this. She’s gotta be riding high after her SB50 performance. Your boy still has chills. #ChillsdeBreeze
8:17 — Comment section quiet tonight. Thought you guys had more in you. Those haters that got down-voted really took the wind out of everyone’s sails.
8:16 — Man, I might even throw my hands up and sway back and forth. This is smooth as hell.
8:14 — Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
Taylor Swift just thought she won and had to go with it.
— Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) February 16, 2016
8:13 — How many moms across America are standing up in front of their couch mom-dancing to this right now?
8:12 — “He looks like Ron Weasley on a bender.” — My Roommate
8:12 — Taylor’s overcelebration is a little much. Also, hate Ed Sheeran. Dude did Ellie Goulding wrong.
8:11 — Man, Stevie really taking the spotlight right now. Give the damn award.
8:10 — Judging by our living room’s reaction, I think we want Kendrick for this. Wouldn’t hate me some Taylor though, as if you had to ask.
8:08 — The more I watch Stevie Wonder, the more I actually think he might be blind.
8:07 — How did Lena Dunham’s boyfriend end up to Selena Gomez? Dude has to be KICKING himself that he’s with Lena.
8:05 — “Is that Richard Branson on the keys for Little Big Town?” Honestly, wouldn’t put it beyond him to do that.
8:04 — “@WilldeFries let’s narrow this. Top three woulds at the Grammys?” Tonight it’s been Taylor, Ciara, Carrie.
8:03 — The chick in Little Big Town looks like a grown-ass Anna Kendrick.
8:02 — They just rolled out of commercial playing “Ride That Wave” by Miguel. #ScariesEffect
8:01 — Traditionally, the WOULD Scale is more WOULDS than WOULDN’TS. You can’t blame me. You have to blame the scaling system.
8:00 — Last two tweets I’ve gotten:
“@WilldeFries not too many “would nots” tonight. Play on player.”
“@WilldeFries Name three female celebrities at the Grammy’s that are Would Not?”
7:58 — It’s like The Grammys knew The Oscars had their backs against with diversity and are trotting out all the races they can.
Didn't realize Ellie Goulding was such a sexpot
— Dillon Cheverere (@RogerJDorn) February 16, 2016
7:57 — How many awards is Kid Rock up for?
7:55 — For those wondering. Lovato. Would.
7:54 — JAMBO JAMBOOOOOOOOOOOO.
7:54 — Cut to the chase, guys. We want Lionel.
7:52 — Big ups to Pho Please in Austin for filling your boy up tonight. Feeling rejuvenated for the rest of these bad boys.
7:50 — No, Luke. Go back to spring break and sorority girls. That’s where you’re meant to be. That’s where we want you to be. I’ll be right there with you pounding Miller Lites. Just don’t do this.
7:49 — “Wait, Sinise in Snake Eyes is better than Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump? That’s a molten-hot take, my friend.” I said what I said and I’m not taking it back. Snake Eyes is underrated as hell.
7:49 — Lionel with the earpiece in. YOU BET HE’S GOIN’ ONSTAGE.
7:47 — Fuck. They’re going to ruin Lionel Richie right now, aren’t they? If they spoil “All Night Long”, this live blog is over.
7:45 — “Gonna need some elaboration on Goulding. Don’t know how I feel about her voice.” Ellie is total WOULD. The raspiness in her voice says it all. Maybe I’m off on this one, but that’s fine. Increases my chances.
7:43 — I’m tits deep in pho right now. I’m like Fuller from Home Alone, but with pho instead of Pepsi.
7:40 — I stopped listening to country the second Luke Bryan autotuned himself. This Stapleton dude legit or nah? Looks like a character from Duck Dynasty. ZERO percent chance he dabs.
7:39 — Man, how good was Gary Sinease in Snake Eyes? Probably his best performance ever, IMHO.
7:37 — Ellie just has that rich, luxurious, European vibe that you’re looking for as an aspiring stay-at-home dad.
7:36 — Voice of an angel.
7:35 — “What are your thoughts on gracing the world with a brunch live blog sometime or would that go against your brunching commandments? Which on that thought, what do you think of giving us an article on the 10 commandments of brunching?” All valid ideas but we are putting a moratorium on brunch columns this week.
7:34 — No one told me we were getting an Ellie performance tonight. Changes everything. Considering going to Coachella just to grind solo during her set.
7:34 — SELENA ALERT.
7:29 — “This guys hair makes me think of Foghorn Leghorn.” Dude, how much does this car look like The Weeknd? Saw this photo the other day and couldn’t unsee it.
7:28 — We’re currently discussing how many people are doing blow in the audience at this type of thing. Not something I’d ever thought of before, but you’d have to imagine the bathroom attendants are turning the other cheek a LOT tonight.
7:26 — Ha, JK. I browned out at dinner on margs the other night. Taking it easy tonight because I turn into an idiot if I have even a sip of beer in me.
7:26 — “Will, what’s your beer of choice for the live blog tonight?” I gave up drinking for lent.
7:25 — We’re conspiring right now that it’s ENTIRELY possible The Weeknd is just Fat Wayne Brady. Both have a TON of moxie onstage.
7:25 — Is this song new?
7:24 — Ariana’s time is over.
7:22 — Just ran headfirst into a high-octane pho situation. Multi-tasking isn’t my strong suit. $10 says my keyboard is covered in broth in less the next five minutes.
7:18 — I don’t want to hear a salute to Lionel Richie, I want to hear Lionel Richie singing “All Night Long” all by himself until the end of time.
7:16 — Less Sam Hunt, more of that Carrie Underwood “Cadillac” song. I wish Taylor Swift was the house band for the night.
7:15 — Her twigs were the single best thing about Sunday Night Football for a few years running.
7:14 — Wow, someone backstage is apparently on the Leg Train for Carrie. Just not covered in any way, shape, or form.
7:15 — FYI, the Dab Count is at 1.
7:14 — If Carrie Underwood’s legs are covered, then this is a performance we can skip.
7:13 — Von’s jacket is straight-up GAWDY. Got more metal in it than Anquan Boldin’s face.
7:12 — Is Robin Thicke back with that chick that he had a breakdown over? Real question.
7:11 — Yeah, Kendrick. That wasn’t exactly a tough one to call considering he’s up for every other award.
7:10 — Best Rap Album? Kendrick, probably.
7:08 — Run DMC getting a lifetime achievement award? Probably won’t believe this but I high-fived Rev at a Kid Rock concert once. I know that sounds skeptical after I told the Pharrell story, but I wouldn’t make both of those things up.
7:07 — Is there going to be a Paul Walker tribute tonight?
7:06 — TERRIBLE Lip Sync Battle plug from LL. FIRE Kangol hat though.
7:05 — “He sounds like Tracy Morgan.” — My roommate
7:05 — Lemme know when LL Cool J performs that jam from Deep Blue Sea.
7:04 — How annoying is it that they blasted glitter out first thing? Like, you’re just sitting in the crowd the rest of the night covered in that shit.
7:03 — Give daddy a medley, Taylor.
7:02 — “I’m gonna say this and it may be a little unpopular.. Will just isn’t that funny..” You’ll grow to love me, random commenter.
7:01 — Also a huge fan of her glittery onesie. I gasped when they panned out and I saw it.
7:01 — Cue the haters but, personally, it’s my favorite song on the album. Toss her bob haircut in the mix? Game over. Might as well wrap this show up early.
7:00 — TAYLOR. OUT OF THE WOODS.
6:59 — Alright, just changed over to CBS. What is Bow Wow doing on the screen?
6:58 — Gaga with an understated look. So classic, so clean.
6:57 — Also, who still calls people “posers”? Come on.
6:56 — “Will is a poser. I broke his buzzfeed snafu to him and he took full credit for it. Just like buzzfeed did with scaries. #softashell” Nah, former PGP contributor Kendra texted me about it. Sorry, bro.
6:55 — Daddy needs pho and he needs it bad. Not that I’m hungover, but best hangover food in the game. Salty, broth is like drinking warm tea, and noodles city.
6:53 — Big ups to Giuliana for going for the Tilda Swinton look. Peculiar move.
6:52 — Pharrell once high-fived me at Warped Tour when he was performing for NERD. So yeah, we go way back.
6:51 — “Who would you want to see as a Super Halftime trio? I feel like a Biebs Weeknd Rihanna show would bring the damn house down.” Kid Rock, Kid Rock, Kid Rock.
6:51 — Ariana Grande looks 13. Not saying anything more.
6:50 — Ciara is wearing that dress and she claims to not be having sex with Russell Wilson? That’s TORTUROUS for him if true. Dude probably watches the “Ride” video with the most confused look on his face.
6:49 — Carrie UnderWOULD.
6:47 — “You should expense a second laptop charger, that way you can live blog without worry of forgetting your charger somewhere. Dorn will totally understand.” Dude, I know. I never do this. I’m dumb today, been up since 4:45 just GRINDING. Not making an excuse but that’s my excuse.
6:43 — Your boy has some rare steak pho comin’ his way by way of Favor. I wish Intern Denis was here so he could give me hella Favor codes.
6:41 — Bieber going with the ‘stache/goater combo is something I can get behind. Really showing his range.
6:38 — Medium take? I like Meghan Trainor. I actually think she’s wildly likable.
6:35 — PS. I won’t be doing any shots but y’all can still Venmo me like at Chili’s in Chicago.
6:34 — “Will, if you were a Grammy nominated musical artist, which genre would you be in?” Not sure, I transcend that stuff. Like if I were a high school football recruit, I’d be recuited as an “Athlete” and not at a certain position.
6:33 — FYI, I’m not going to go that hard on this live blog until showtime. Battery life + awful E! coverage aren’t helping the cause.
6:31 — Still not cool with Chrissy Teigen after she blocked me on Twitter. I know she apologized, but gonna need to smooth things over during a double date with her and John.
6:30 — “I’ve had a crush on Claire Dunfee ever since she was Carol Vessey on Ed.” Scorching hot, but weird stomach. Unfair to judge a woman that old on her stomach but I’m not taking it back. #TruthsOnly
6:29 — Ellie Goulding… WOULD. I don’t get people that aren’t into her. Voice of an angel, and she’s hot for being British. I know that’s not saying much, but still.
6:27 — “Are there still plans for a Nordstrom Bistro live blog down the road?” Most definitely. Has to be the next location, just haven’t had time. Nordie Bistro might be the best yet. If not, might just do Thursdays at Whole Foods at all times.
6:26 — Demi Lovato… WOULD.
6:23 — Taylor Swift has the arms that 40-year-old moms go to the gym for. Just toned as hell, like the mom on Modern Family.
6:22 — “Teasing Scaries Tees could maybe be restocked yesterday was brutal. Please don’t play with my heart like that will.” Stay tuned. Unlike Kanye, I don’t just spout random bullshit on Twitter. Every move I make is calculated.
6:20 — These Glam Bot things are so stupid. No one cares about Big Sean’s tux. Just put a steady cam on Selena and let me live.
6:15 — This is going to be like the movie Speed. I forgot my charger at the office so I’m either live blogging until the battery runs out or until I fall asleep in said recliner.
6:14 — To be clear, zero idea who is up for any of these awards. All I’m hoping for is some saucy-ass performances, a lot of awkward Taylor Swift dancing that infuriates the TSM Staff, and some angry Kanye yelling. I think we’ll see all of the above.
6:13 — Currently on the E! News coverage in a recliner while trying to figure out what type of Pho to Postmate. And they say living the blog life isn’t luxurious.
6:12 — Just putting it out there now because I want to get it over with — Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez win The WOULD Award tonight. If you can’t figure out why, this might not be the place for you.
6:11 — And we’re off.
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