The Post-Election Hooters Live Blog

The Post-Election Hooters Live Blog

Live from Austin, Texas. Best way to view the blog is either on the app (Android link here) or on a desktop where you just violently refresh your browser. As always, ask me anything in the comments. Follow on Twitter for further coverage.

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Putting the live blog on hold until this protest pans out. Stay tuned on Twitter and Periscope.

Dammit, this place is surrounded by cops because of a campaign protest right now. Looks like we’re here for the long haul. At least they’re blasting Coldplay.

There’s equal chances of me 1) falling asleep at this Hooters or 2) going home and dying.

Could we get a live tally going of giant beers Duda is putting down?

Productivity in America has to be at a record low today.

He’s got one down and just gave a hesitant, “Um, give me sec,” when the waitress asked if he wanted another one. Total loser move.

Why didn’t she confront him? And was he crazy!

She did but it didn’t go well. He big-timed her.

I misread the question about NYE and read it as NYC.

Yes, you can have a quiet New Year’s Eve and I highly recommend it because it’s the most overrated holiday in the world.

There are so many people drinking hella beers in here right now. I can’t tell if this is just their life or they’re coping with yesterday.

Per The Friday Afternoon Open Thread, how to we make the Peej golf trip happen?

It needs to happen more than anything else. Just harass Madison on Twitter until it happens.

The other day my fiancée inquired about a “romantic, quiet trip” for NYE this year. Is this any way out of this? If not, any location suggestions?

A ‘quiet’ trip to NYC? Yeah, not happening, buddy.

I’m legit delirious from being up so late and going too hard on these tendies. Tonight is going to be one of those “takes a six p.m. nap, wake up, eat dinner, go bcak to sleep” nights.

Hooters Social Media Person – can you hook us up with some hats? Thanks, you know where our DMs are.

Kayla is telling us about how she tried to confront Robbie from The Bachelorette at a club the other night.

Does Hooters give a discount for Texas Cucks?

I don’t know, I can’t tell if this waitress loves or hates David at this point. Her name is Kelsey and his jokes definitely aren’t landing.

We know what Duda is wearing. What’s Kayla wearing

She’s obviously wearing a Spurs hat and talking a lot with her hands.

Aaaaaaaand Kayla just showed up wearing a hat which means Dave is the only person not wearing a hat.

She also got a new pizza iPhone case which is huge for her personal brand.

Dave is begging our waitress for a hat and she told him that they only have beanies. NEED him to start the Beanie Gang.

getting rid of my college car. Do I go sports car or go practical with Truck?

My biggest regret is getting a practical car instead of a convertible so I could start my new business idea, UBERConvertible.

Sidenote: I’ve started washing my hair every day because I had a scalp issue.

How are you going to say Duda just showed up and didn’t tell us what he’s wearing?

Light blue Polo Oxford shirt, VERY short khakis shorts, socks, LL Bean Boots, and a green hat that says, “RELAX.”

Will, I know you’re a dirty psychopath, but Dave…IF you had enough hair to wash/condition, are you team every day or team 1-2 times a week?

“I’m not going to even acknowledge that. That’s just offensive. On a day like this when I’m trying to bring the nation together, that’s a trash question.”

No one else is in my cube area for the next two hours. How acceptable is it to wear sunglasses and try to nap through this hangover while they’re gone?

If no one is there, isn’t it COMPLETELY acceptable?

We NEED Dave on periscope on a day like this.

“I will Periscope if I can get a Hooters hat.”

Argentinian Malbec or Australian Shiraz?

Malbec, my dude.

Duda just ordered the biggest Michelob Ultra I’ve ever seen. I, on the other hand, have not ordered anything because I feel hungover from being up so late.

“How much shit am I going to be in if I come home drunk tonight? Oh, shit, where’s our waitress? I need to buy a hat.”

M/F/K: Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Dave.

M: Dave
F: Hillary
K: Donald

I don’t think there are a lot of ways to go on that.

Best snack to have on hand at your desk in the office?

We have peanut butter-filled pretzels at our disposal, and while I’m not saying it’s the best snack, I can’t not eat them.

Dave just got ID’d. We both know the waitress HAD to ID him, but Dave asked her how old she thought he was anyway.

Oh, and our first guest, Duda, just walked across the street.

It doesn’t get much better than listening to “The Boys Are Back In Town” while eating some Daytona Beach chicken strips.

“Ask the people if they need me on Periscope.” — Dave

On Touching Base the other day. There was a fake vice headline about Ecosexuals believing that we could save the Earth by have carnal relations with it. Dave then went on to talk about how they can do whatever they want behind closed doors as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. Are you concerned that Dave does not care at all that the Earth cannot effectively consent?

Honestly, that’s been bugging me since the words came out of his mouth.

I’m blaming you for going off my diet and ordering wings for delivery right now. Not angry but just sayin

We’ve had worse blamed on us so that’s fine by us.

Is there anything worse than someone who puts ketchup all over their fries rather than dipping? If so, I can’t think of them and am taking suggestions.

Am I the only one excited that Western Michigan is still undefeated?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

With this weekend being a 3 day weekend for some with Friday off (thank you to all who have served), which is better, Friday off or Monday off?

We’ve actually answered this.

When is Hooters on Riverside moving to West 6th? Had a waitress tell me this was going to happen at least a year ago

I’ve actually heard this as well. I can confirm that I know where the location is but not sure when it is happening.

Food just arrived and Hooters just tweeted at Dave, so yeah, you could say things are falling into place.

Dave regarding his wings: “I’m a hot guy. Tell ’em I go hot but sometimes I like to mix it up and go cajun if I’m going real wild.”

What a wildman.

I don’t want to divulge anything, but we MIGHT have some cameo appearances today.

And no, not McConaughey.

Looking to purchase a new driver. 9.5 degree stiff flex. Any recommendations?

Let me just say this: I was given a Callaway XR16 and it has greatly improved my life in terms of both distance and consistency.

“I’m about to ask our waitress about the election, so be prepared.” – Dave

Does Trump move into the white house in Jan or his new hotel while he renovates the white house?

Whenever his Scrooge McDuck room-full-of-coins-with-a-diving-board is complete.

How many lunch beers being consumed today?

Too tired with not enough sustenance in my body right now. Zero until further notice.

What kind of office décor says “I lead an exciting life outside of this place” but doesn’t scream “I’m 25 and you should probably not be trusting me to do the work I do?”

I don’t know, a map or something? The only staple you need at your desk is a football like you’re McConaughey in a rom-com. Spin that thing in one hand as much as humanly possible.

If there’s ever a day to sit at Hooters and tune out social media until I fall asleep, it’s today. I’m surprised the Twitter and Facebook servers haven’t exploded from the scorching takes being flung around.

Dave and I just each ordered chicken strips which feels like a beta order. He got Hot, and I got DAYTONA BEACH STYLE.

The US plays Mexico Friday night in a world cup qualifier, in Columbus, Ohio (battleground state) of all places? Is all this just some perverse conspiracy?

Aaaaaaand that’s going to be a must-watch game.

Boneless or traditional? Dry rub or regular sauce? Where do you guys fall on the spicy scale?

Spicy bone-in if I’m at home, mild traditional when I’m on the streets so I don’t snot on myself in front of everyone.

What’s your go to “answer that isn’t really an answer” when asked about who you voted for?

You have to decide who THAT person hates and then say, “I’ll tell you one thing, I didn’t vote for [insert the person that other person hates].”

What’s the go-to first purchase following paying off student loans?

Dude, get out. You’re only here to brag.

Don’t dip your wings in ranch today, Will.

There are ranch people, there are bleu cheese people, and there are dry people. I am all of the above and purely go on feel.

Dave just got here. Time to eat allllll the winggggggs.

I don’t know what it says about Dave and *me

Dude, no, just shut up. I don’t even care about grammar on a day like today. I was up late.

Have you ever disputed the argument that you’re a Beta sock?

I’m a little of both but I’m accepting of who I am as an American.

If you had to choose between watching First Take or Skip’s new show, what kind of truck would you prefer to be run over by?

Let’s put it this way – Luke Bryan just came on and I was happy to hear that over either of those shows.

Dave needs to get here ASAP. My computer is lacking a charge and I’m starving. Can’t order without him because I HAVE MANNERS.

Do you really think Trump is going to appoint Billy Bush to Secretary of State?


Do you think Gary Johnson will make a run for 2020?

No. Kanye will get more votes than him. And I’m saying that half as a joke and half as “oh my god kanye west is going to actually run now because he knows we’ll vote for literally anyone”

How do I convince people I am a functioning adult?

I’m not an expert in this field but I’m going to assume asking a random blogger who doesn’t have his life together isn’t step one of the process.

I just took a look around and realized that everyone in here definitely voted for Trump. There were probably smarter places to go after last night, but hey, we all make mistakes.

I’m violently hungover and need lunch. Do I walk the 3 blocks to shake shack or just go to the cafe downstairs and get a BLT?

Postmates or Favor Shake Shack to you, day one stuff.

Also, an over/under on Lena Dunham moving to Canada would be excellent.

Dude, NO ONE is moving to Canada. I don’t think Canada’s immigration site was down due to traffic. I think it was down because they don’t want us.

Ted In Pittsburgh asked what type of dog Trump will get, or if he’ll go with something else like a bird of prey. Dude is definitely getting a big cat or something.

Did you vote in Austin or absentee Michigan? Just curious what you consider home to be.

I voted from Austin, but Michigan is home.

I spent the morning at a quiet cafe that played Jim James while writing about a girl dressed in athleisure only to completely pivot on that and show up to a Hooters before noon. I’m like one of those pitchers who can blow it by you for strike two only to hit you with a nasty change-up that’ll leave you on your knees.

Dave has yet to arrive so I’m just sitting here on my laptop listening to Def Lep watching First Take. I hate myself more right now more than I’ve ever hated anyone ever.

I don’t know what it says about Dave and I that we decide to go to Hooters the day after a monumental election, but I have to assume it’s not a good thing. The vibe is here is (unsurprisingly) no different than any other day. But if there’s one thing in this country that’s constant, it’s our inherent need for chicken wings and draft beer.

Also, please note that the places where my laptop autoconnects are Hooters and Whole Foods because that’s the life I lead.

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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