A trend that was formerly reserved for strippers, women of the night, and dudes that listed “weightlifting” as an occupation has absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, gone mainstream.
Kendall and Kylie both have pierced nipples, Rihanna’s crazy ass has them, one of my favorite Instagram follows Hannah Stocking (phenomenal butt) clearly has them, and so do a treasure trove of other celebrities that aren’t coming to mind at the moment.
The celebrities aren’t really surprising. Having pierced nipples for them is about the tamest thing they have going for them. But the trend has caught on with the general population in the United States this summer, and I just wanted to say that I 1000% endorse it. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been, for lack of a better term, an “ass man.” That’s not to say that I don’t like tits, but if you press me I’ll tell you that I like butt much more boob. However, the pierced nipple has done something for me that is indescribable. I cannot put my finger on it, but my preferences may be skewing towards boobs.
It’s a look that screams “Down with the patriarchy!” Any girl with one or two pierced nips is throwing convention to the curb and doing it with a smile on her face. I think it has something to do with the fact that you know whats going on underneath the shirt. Because make no mistake — you can tell when a girl has pierced one or both of her nipples. The bar juts out ever so slightly from the shirt, and I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t drive me crazy (in a good way). A girl with pierced nipples will let you know about it. No bra and a swagger comparable to Boobie Miles (no pun intended) tells you immediately that that.girl.fucks. Just look at Kendall:
Pictures like this one catapulted her to my number one celebrity crush over Emily Ratajkowski, who has had me spellbound since her appearance in Robin Thicke’s music video for “Blurred Lines.” That picture of Kendall — that right there is the face of a girl who has the upper hand. She knows she’s killing the game and, more over, that you’re staring at her. The no-bra, pierced nipple look is a cry for attention.
If you’re not a particularly buxom woman, I think getting your nipples pierced is the way to go. It’s one of the reasons that I think boobs are making a comeback. Large, small, in between size. Everyone can get their nipples pierced. You don’t have to work to get your nipples pierced like you do to get a really nice butt. For a few years now, it seems all anyone can talk about is ass. It’s ass this and ass that. But boobs are American as apple pie, and while it is true that they’ve taken a backseat to voluptuous bottoms the past few fiscal quarters, it would be foolish to say that boobs no longer matter. They will be back, and nipple piercings are a step in the right direction. There is no doubting the fact that many people will come out of the woodwork to say that nipple piercings are “trashy” and “unbecoming,” but you know what? Fuck them. I’m not trying to come off as sexist. I’m not trying to tell anyone what to do. I just want it to be known from sea to shining sea that nipple piercings are fantastic. They’re fucking primal and I mean that in the best way possible.
You walk into a bar braless with the air conditioning turned up and those little bars are poking out, there is a one million percent chance that you’re going to hold my attention slightly longer than is socially acceptable. And look, I realize that writing about pierced nipples and how I can tell when someone has them probably makes me sound like a pervert. But I love the look so much that I don’t care anymore. A girl you’re having sex with who has pierced nipples gives her an edge that someone without them simply cannot possess. Can I declare myself a pierced nipple guy? I don’t want to be labeled an ass man anymore. I don’t want to be labeled a boob guy. I like pierced nipples now. That’s my thing. Call me a pervert. Call me a degenerate. Call me whatever you want. But don’t tell me that pierced nipples aren’t tasteful as fuck. The pierced nipple is a thing of beauty, and I’m all in. Let’s make America pierced again..
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