Jared Freid (@jtrain56) is a comedian and one of the “Bros” at HeTexted.com. HeTexted is a site where girls can get advice on the texts they receive from guys. Every Thursday on PostGradProblems Jared will answer one of the questions from his HeTexted mailbag. These are real questions from real girls visiting the site each day. If you have any of your own dating questions go to www.HeTexted.com and ask Jared or any of the other Bros that fit your particular situation.
Q: I’ve been on a bunch of dates with this guy who is ten years older than I am. Every time we go out I have to initiate things. Is he not into it or just old and bad at texting?
A: If I was a girl, I’d date a guy who’s at least three years older because there’s a better chance that you’re both at similar speeds. Hopefully he’s had enough years of going to bars, checking out chicks, getting phone numbers, and telling girls he’s had sex with seven times that “work is just the priority.” He should be tired of that whole game. You’ve had all that stuff happen once and that was really enough. If an older guy isn’t done with that lifestyle, his immaturity will show pretty quickly. If he says something like, “Yeah, I have to hang with my roommate tonight,” you’ll realize that the 30-year-old you’re dating probably still sends his mom pictures of what he wears to work. Dating an older guy is a great way to depart from the “I can’t believe this is my life” postgrad mindset–you get to be with someone who’s settled down a bit and he can actually concentrate on a girl. Beyond that, unless you’re dating a guy so old you refer to sex with him as, “riding the Greyhound,” there really isn’t that much a difference.
That’s why I hate when people say they’re “bad at texting.” No matter the age, gender, or race, we aren’t as different and special as our participation trophy plaque says. Ninety-nine percent of people are texting at a familiar pace that when they actually care it doesn’t make you question your own sanity. If someone says he or she is bad at texting, it always comes off a little narcissistic. He or she is like the person who doesn’t own a TV because this person prefers to read books so his or her “brain doesn’t rot.” People aren’t “bad at texting,” they just don’t care about the person on the other end as much as they care about themselves and their own lives.
Being “bad at texting” isn’t a person who doesn’t get back to you. That’s a person who’s bad at being a friend–or a drug dealer. I know an old guy who is really “bad at texting.” My dad. He’ll text me something that was meant for my mom. And judging by the “WRU” text I got yesterday, he doesn’t know how acronyms work. Yes, that’s “Where Are You?” for those of you who don’t use phonetics to put together an acronym. That is being “bad at texting.” He’s bad at texting, but that doesn’t change his timing and I’m never left wondering if my dad likes me or not. The only thing I wonder is how the “WWE” text he meant to send my mom translated to “What’s for dinner?”
We all make the excuse for people because it’s a lot nicer than the reality. “He’s bad at texting because he’s old” is the easiest thing to believe that allows someone to leave the house and still feel hot. So many of the people you meet daily are just like you–they do the same Facebook, Twitter, text, and email run around the bases that yo do every time they look at their phones. Each time we make an excuse like saying someone is bad at texting, we put them in the 1 percent of people who hypothetically exist in the world. That makes us feel good and comfortable. My advice is for our girl today is to put the same amount of effort that the guy puts into the relationship and see how many dates they go on. She probably won’t get a “WRU” text anytime soon.
Jared Freid is a comedian and HeTexted “Bro” based in NYC. You can ask him dating questions at HeTexted.com or find him on Twitter (@JTrain56) for weekly columns, podcasts, and videos.