The PGP Weekly Dating Q&A: NYE Plans

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Jared Freid (@jtrain56) is a comedian and one of the “Bros” at HeTexted.com. HeTexted is a site where girls can get advice on the texts they receive from guys. Every Thursday on PostGradProblems Jared will answer one of the questions from his HeTexted mailbag. These are real questions from real girls visiting the site each day. If you have any of your own dating questions go to www.HeTexted.com and ask Jared or any of the other Bros that fit your particular situation.

Q. I’ve been hooking up with a guy for about two months and we have nothing planned together for New Year’s Eve. Is this a big deal?

I answered a similar question about the significance of bringing a guy home for the holidays. I talked about the timing of the relationship and not worrying too much if it had been under two years. My answer to this question is very different. New Year’s doesn’t offer the awkward variables like bedrooms displaying your youth soccer trophies and your mom’s opinions on premarital “sleepovers.”

If he’s someone you’d tell friends that you’re “hooking up with” and there’s no mention of New Year’s then he’s not telling his friends the same thing. In fact, he probably has a name for you like, “That Chick,” “Tinder Sarah,” “Flapjacks,” “GBBB,” (Great Beej Bad Breath) or “Post-Brunch Lisa.” Whatever you’re known as, it isn’t the girl he’s “hooking up with,” it’s something about you, how you met, and what attracted him, that won’t be your future pet name when you guys get married.

And I know that everyone wants to make a big deal about how New Year’s isn’t a big deal. The opinions on New Year’s Eve are just like the ones about Miley Cyrus. They’re loud, negative, and lack creativity. I get it. It’s “amateurs night” and “the bars are crowded” and you “went to a State school” and you “don’t need a reason to drink with friends” because you’re “already an alcoholic.” Everyone gets it. The fact remains that New Year’s Eve is a night that’s about having fun. If you’re in any type of relationship, then you should be spending it with someone you’re already having fun with.

You both have a plan that’s one of two things. It’s either a bar deal or a dinner with a big group of friends. You should attempt to plan a meeting or merge into one another’s plans. I get that this move could rock the boat and pressure a guy who might elevate from “just a hookup.” But each year there are days that I would call, “reality hurdles.” These are days like, New Year’s Eve, birthdays, and periods that guys will either step up to the plate and celebrate (showing there could be a future) or hide behind the ambiguity of your non-exclusive-you-hope-it’s-exclusive relationship (showing this is all it’s going to be). Girls tend to make a big deal when a guy steps up. But they always have an excuse for when a guys doesn’t. It’s much easier to say, “New Year’s is so overrated and he’s hanging with his boys” than it is to believe he’s unwilling to give up a night of hypothetically better hookups. So make it a point to say something and understand that his actions will tell you where everything stands. You may have a date or you may be able to face the reality and make a plan with “BDNP” (Big Dick No Personality) so at least you have something fun to play with at midnight.

Jared Freid is a comedian and HeTexted “Bro” based in NYC. You can ask him dating questions at HeTexted.com or find him on Twitter (@JTrain56) for weekly columns, podcasts, and videos.

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JTrain

Jared Freid is a NYC based comedian. He has been featured on Tru TV's "NFL Full Contact" and more recently on MTV's "Failosophy." He is also a writer for The Huffington Post, The Fan Hub, Weekly World News, TotalFratMove, BroBible, and HeTexted. If you're not the reading type, Jared created the "Frat Dude Goes To" series where he travels the country interviewing "Bros" at wild events like the Carolina Cup and the AVN Awards. Follow him on twitter @JTrain56 for all of his weekly content.

• @JTrain56