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You’re probably thinking – why do we need a drinking game for football? Obviously, we will already be crushing beers while watching in our sweatpants. True, but let me give you some reasons:
1. It’s a proven fact that drinking games make everything from The Bachelor to Presidential Debates better.
2. It’s possible – albeit unlikely – that one or both of these games could be a blowout, so you need some reason to stay invested.
3. It’s a Sunday afternoon/evening, and you have to work tomorrow, and maybe the tiny little part of your brain that is semi-responsible is telling you that it’s not a good idea to take that shot. You need a drinking game to override that little bastard.
I’m sure I could think of more reasons, but frankly, do you really need them? Just play along, you wimp.
AFC Conference Championship
New England Patriots vs. Denver Broncos
Sunday, January 24, 3:05 PM EST on CBS
Take a drink each time…
• The camera pans to Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft.
• C.J. Anderson or Ronnie Hillman rush for more than 10 yards.
• Referee Ed Hochuli flexes – that guy is jacked.
• Jim Nantz and Phil Simms wonder aloud if this is the last ever Brady/Manning matchup.
• They go to Mike Carey for his opinion.
Finish your beer if…
• A ruling on the field is overturned.
• Deflategate is mentioned.
• Tracy Wolfson says someone’s return is “questionable.”
• Gronk scores a touchdown (and you must spike the can too).
Do a shot if…
• Bill Belichick wears something other than a ratty sweatshirt.
• Tom Brady actually manages to run more than five yards (just because I love him doesn’t mean I’m not aware of his flaws).
• Brock Osweiler is actually shown.
• Someone you are watching with unintentionally hums/sings the song from Peyton’s Nationwide commercials.
• A kick off is returned for a touchdown.
NFC Conference Championship
Arizona Cardinals vs. Carolina Panthers
Sunday, January 24, 6:40 PM EST on FOX
Take a drink each time…
• It sounds like Troy Aikman has just been vaping.
• The words “Cam Newton” and “MVP” are said in the same sentence.
• The words “Carson Palmer” and “remarkable comeback” are said in the same sentence.
• There’s an aerial shot of Bank of America Stadium.
• Larry Fitzgerald makes a catch.
• That annoying FOX football robot shows up.
Finish your beer if…
• Mike Pereira disagrees with the ruling on the field.
• Someone — anyone — dabs.
• Erin Andrews flips her hair during a sideline interview.
• A challenge flag is thrown.
Do a shot if…
• An interception is returned for a touchdown.
• A Bruce Arians/Tony Soprano comparison is made.
• One person you are watching with says how much they hate Joe Buck.
Happy game day, my friends! .
Image via YouTube
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
NFC*
Shhh, let’s see how long it takes her to figure it out.
Oh I noticed. I just don’t have the power to correct.
We can’t correct our comments either
Wish I would have seen this prior to the conclusion of the shittiest Patriots playoff performance in recent memory. Now I’m just drowning my sorrows in a bottle of red. Go Panthers. Fuck Manning and his forehead.
Where is our Super Bowl drinking game??
Shockingly enough, almost all of these events happened.
I hope Brady puts Manning in the grave tomorrow.
I hope Manning’s weenie arm carries the Broncos to a super bowl victory.