The Official Donut Power Ranking

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Whether on Instagram, Facebook, or your fast-food drive-thru of choice, you’ve probably noticed the donut obsession that’s taken over the nation. This craze has brought us a new class of delicious specialty donuts that can even make going into work early worth it. However, if you’re used to purchasing your donuts from the same place you get your gas, you’re probably wondering what all the fuss is about. No worries, I’m here to help. I present to you, from worst to best, the official power ranking of donuts.

8. Plain Yeast Donuts
Any yeast donut that isn’t frosted all the way around is garbage. Whether they’re from a gas station, drugstore, or god forbid a donut establishment (ahem, Dunkin Donuts), any donut producer that thinks these are a good idea should be highly ashamed of themselves. However, at the end of the day, a donut is a donut, and if these show up in my break room, I’m going to steal three of them.

7. Krispy Kreme
You could probably get through a dozen of these without getting full, totally wrecking what you set out to accomplish for the day with your calorie-tracking app. This number will only increase if they’re hot. While these seem like a good decision in the 3 seconds it takes to inhale them, you’re basically just inhaling sugary air, and your stomach will hate you 1200 calories later.

6. Donut Holes
Donut holes have an excellent donut:frosting ratio, making them an ideal candidate for an on-the-go breakfast. Unfortunately, you’re missing out on a ton of other, better options, including frosting varieties and fillings, keeping these on the bottom half of this power ranking. Additionally, you’re going to look like a hog when you load up your plate with 18 of these little guys when the receptionist brought them in “to share.” All in all, you’re better off sticking with a traditional donut.

5. Cream-Filled
While personally not my favorite, I have to give these a higher ranking than many others due to popular opinion. The obvious pro that these provide is the increase in moisture; however, if your donut is properly baked and iced, this shouldn’t be an issue in the first place. These still rank in the bottom half of my list due to their yeasty base and the potential for awkward pants stains you really don’t want to try to explain.

4. Cake Donuts
Ah, here we go. Bringing us into the top half of the list, cake donuts are the basic standard by which all good donuts should be judged. Moist, delicious, and full of flavor, these donuts rarely disappoint. They’re always the first ones gone from the variety dozen, and for good reason. For all of the things Dunkin does wrong, they hit the nail on the head with these guys – especially the blueberry and pumpkin varieties.

3. Cronuts
This croissant-donut mashup has taken the world by storm, and for good reason. Half croissant and half donut, this pastry is basically a cruller on crack. You have an already-buttery croissant that’s been deep-fried and then covered in sugary frosting, which far exceeds anything you can easily purchase in a box of 12 from a drive-thru. However, these are fairly hard to obtain, and the top ratings on the list of best donuts have to go to, well, actual donuts.

2. Specialty Donuts
If you live in a metro area with a large population of millennials, you have a specialty donut store. These are always, always, a good (albeit irrationally overpriced) decision. You get amazing flavor combinations – maple bacon, salted caramel – that you can’t find elsewhere. Besides, they make for great Instagram posts. Get ready to shell out at least $3.50 for a handmade cake donut covered in your favorite commercial cereal – these guys don’t come cheap.

1. Old-Fashioneds
While both the drink and the pastry deserve praise, these donuts far and away take the cake. Without a doubt, old-fashioned donuts are the ones to rule them all. Easily the best of the donut world, old-fashioneds put even the best cake donut to shame with their buttery consistency that just falls apart in your mouth. Bonus points if your donut shop frosts these as well – there’s truly nothing better in life than a handcrafted, maple frosted old-fashioned. Just one of these makes me understand the millennial craze behind the donut. Fair warning: make these part of your routine, and your excitement over a dozen from Publix in the break room will be a thing of the past. .

Image via Shutterstock

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Steph W.

Steph W. is a new Master's degree graduate with an intern's salary and six-figure taste. She realizes her expectations far exceed reality, so she spends her days pinning away Loubs she pretends are in her physical closet instead of her virtual one. Her hobbies include attempting to trapping her boyfriend into marriage before he finds out how insane she is and pretending that Black Box wine tastes as good as the kind she could afford when she was gainfully employed. Send her tips for getting out of student debt at recruitchairtsm@gmail.com

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