======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
In college, we spent hundreds of hours, gallons of booze and who knows what else, trying consciously or subconsciously to discover who we truly were. It’s a time in a young person’s life where the personality, while still subject to influence by media, mentors and peers, really begins to solidify. I for one, tried my best to keep it fluid by drinking plenty of “fluids,” but alas it didn’t really work.
Now that I am an adult, I find that my personality isn’t really solid, per say, but more compartmentalized. I become a different person depending on my circumstances and surroundings. I don’t really think of any of them as “the real me” since they’re all part of me, but I’m sure a couple of these personalities are more dominant than others.
Work Me
I walk into the office and assume my work persona. Work me is introverted, anti-social, impatient and selfish. If you talk to me, you have a death wish. Definitely not my best self, but that’s what happens when you’re in a job you hate with a spineless boss and coworkers who suffer from “shit-for-brains syndrome.” I do the work necessary to keep me in good graces – or at least as good as the graces get around here – and off the radar of senior management. The less I am noticed, the less bullshit I deal with. Punch in, punch out. I am Jack’s wasted life.
Home Me
When I get home, rather than do the bare minimum, I actually do more than what my wife asks me to do. Why? Because it’s my home, I don’t want to live in filth, and the way I care for my home is a direct reflection of me. I make sure the animals are fed, the dishes are done, the trash is out, and anything else to make our apartment a welcoming place to come home. I do my share of cooking too. At home I am usually laid-back, patient, agreeable, and generally pleasant to be around. I am also usually asleep by 10:30.
Party Me
When I walk into a party, bar or any other social setting, I become Mr. Social, willing to talk to just about anyone, mix up a drink for anyone, and play whatever game is next. Never the loud or sloppy drunk, I keep it under control and never, ever be the guy to start a fight. I am rarely the center of attention, but people are usually happy to see me. I was never the guy who had a dozen girls hanging on him and I’m ok with that. The last time I got wild, I’m pretty sure I wound up looking and feeling like I’d gotten the shit beaten out of me by Jet Li so I don’t get wild anymore.
Interview Me
A model of professionalism, enthusiasm, and confidence, interview me is ready to take this firm by storm. In my business grey suit (from Jos. A Bank, circa 2006) and Vineyard Vines tie, I pretty much reek of skill and knowledge. In my hands is a leather portfolio that shouts “This guy knows his shit,” and my resume, printed on linen stock is two pages of why I am the best thing to hit this firm in 50 years. I walk into the room like I piss excellence. A strong handshake, a charming smile, a “Yes ma’am” or “No, sir” and I’m golden. There’s no way these guys won’t be calling me in two days.
The Real Me
At the beginning of this column, I stated that I didn’t really consider any of the above personas “the real me.” That much is still true. I have however, via the therapeutic process of writing, discover one thing about Postgrad Me: Postgrad Me is pretty damn boring. Work me may as well not even exist some days, he gets so little actual work accomplished; home me may as well put an apron on and become a house-husband; party me left his testicles in college, because it hurts too much to really rage anymore; and interview me… well, interview me is a delusional joke who hasn’t really learned anything in this job.
Those are the facts. Postgrad me is plain white bread, but at least he’s reliable. He works (however grudgingly), he doesn’t get arrested for urinating in the fountain in the city square while shit-faced, and he’s attempting to get a better job where actually can learn something. I may not be the most interesting man in the world, but I could definitely be worse.
Respond
Spaceman Spiff
Now a graduate with a few years of business "experience", Spiff didn't exactly turn into the interplanetary explorer extraordinaire he had hoped to become. Instead, he spends his days as a cynical desk jockey, moonlighting as a Contributing Writer for PGP and marching ever closer to the big 3-0, which has only fueled his transition from quarter-life crisis straight into thrisis.
The real me is basically a sociopath, which means I can more or less pretend to be whatever I need to be in order to get ahead in life.
“Work me is introverted, anti-social, impatient and selfish…but that’s what happens when you’re in a job you hate with a spineless boss and coworkers who suffer from shit-for-brains syndrome.”
I’ve been in the #PGP world for about a year and a half now and this is so true that it hurts (especially the ‘shit for brains’ part). Hang in there and fight the good fight, man.
The last paragraph saved this article from the self indulgent BS to an entertaining relate-able piece of my morning. I’ve also gotten boring.
What the hell do you need a 2 page resume for
I had 5 internships in college. It makes a resume 2 pages pretty quick.
I’d take another look at your resume bro. A resume is supposed to highlight your most relevant experience, not be a dumping ground for everything you’ve ever done, or even be a dumping ground for ALL of your relevant experience.
My legal resume definitely has to have 2 schools on it (college, law skool) and could include 2 undergrad legal jobs, 4 jobs and/or internships while in law school, and my current job (not including other nonlegal jobs). On my resume now is my schools, 4 law school positions and my current job (so 5 positions, like yours). A couple of those jobs are just a couple lines, because they’re not as relevant. And it’s all one page. I even have an “interests” section (because lawyers like those for some reason).
Cut the fat mang; I highly doubt your summer after freshman year internship is so on point that people actually care to read and know more about it. No one really wants to read a whole 1 page resume, much less a 2 page resume.
Actually, they are all relevant. Every single internship I have had has been in engineering, each with a ton of projects that each have a specific skill that goes a long with them.
I have no “interest” section, because as an engineer, I cannot afford the time to have interests outside of work. I have the sections dedicated as follows: “skills and abilities”, “experience”, “education”, and “professional associations”.
As my post-grad experience grows, obviously I will drop some of the earlier internships I have done. But as of now, sitting in my first post-grad job, internships are the only credible experiences I have had.
I’m the same way. First post-grad job here. I think you could easily make it a page. If each internship adds a relevant experience or two, keep it on the resume, but make it a 2-line description of the specific skill. Maybe something like “Completed projects in X and Y areas. Work on these projects required development of extensive expertise in A, B, C, and D.” Boom. An example from my resume
Intern
Govt Agency
Assisted attorneys in preparing cases in the A and B Divisions. Researched and composed legal memoranda. Concentrated on [6 or so relevant areas].
I think my longest description is like 4 lines.
Also yeah, ever since I started work, my interests section seems more and more like a joke.
So much wrong with this. First, I am an engineer and can find time to have interests when I am not at work. (Wouldn’t put them on a resume though, not in this field). Second, I have done some recruiting for my engineering group, and anything on a 2nd page of a resume is mostly ignored. You can highlight the main takeaways from an internship in 2-3 lines max, and if someone is interested by it, they will ask in an interview. Companies get hundreds of resumes, if you can’t highlight your main points concisely then it will probably be ignored
Obviously I have interests, don’t be dumb. But you are correct, it doesn’t make sense to list them on a resume. I don’t know when that would make sense, maybe for a social media job?
Def watching Batman Forever tonight. I had no idea TLJ was ever two face.