The Lazy Girl’s Guide To Getting Ready


I’m a lazy girl when it comes to doing my hair and makeup. I have had mornings when I get halfway through and think, “Hmm. I’d rather not.” Sometimes I finish up the makeup for one eye and have a moment when I have to remind myself not to quit at the halfway point. I’ve even started to curl my hair only to get a third of the way through, then put on a hat.

The whole process of doing hair and makeup is tedious, and the last thing anyone needs to do after waking up is pick up paintbrushes and a dangerous, heated wand. Sometimes the only thing that motivates me is to time myself and set personal bests. Yes, like a Kindergartener. After countless mornings of saying, “I’m over this” and persevering, I present to you the lazy girl’s guide to getting ready.

Highlight and contour? No and no. Those techniques are for pros who are seven coffees deep. Do not even attempt that level of magic in the mornings. Blush and under-eye concealer is all you lazy girls need.

I have a lot of respect for women who are able to pull off lipstick on a daily basis. Lipstick ain’t no joke. You apply, reapply, and blot continuously. You have to check that it didn’t go rogue and get on your teeth, nose, or chin. The next step down from lipstick is lip gloss. Lip gloss gives you some color, but it’s also goopy and shiny in a way that was only sophisticated in middle school. Plus, 100 percent of the men I know find gooey, sticky lips to be off-putting. There is a simple solution to all of this–I’m talking about cherry-flavored Chapstick. It’s colored, cheap, and scented. It’s the best of everything. Win, win, and win.

The first step to lazy eye makeup is to throw away your liquid eyeliner. The only place it belongs is at the bottom of your trashcan. We aren’t all Lauren Conrad. Liquid eyeliner can smell fear; it’s a predator that feeds off of unsteady hands. It is easy to get hung up trying to make your eyeliner look symmetrical, and within minutes, it can take over your whole eyelid. All you need is mascara–mascara and go. I know, I know, but what if I want to do a smoky eye for work? Where are you living? Las Vegas? The key to lazy makeup is to put all your faith into those lines from magazines that “men prefer a natural look.” Maybe they don’t, but you simply don’t have the dexterity and patience to become the Picasso of the shadow palette every morning.

2014 is the year of the power brow. Somewhere, Sandy Cohen is smiling. A good set of eyebrows can frame your face and make all your features pop. This further eliminates the need to spend excessive time on your makeup. Find someone in your town who specializes in eyebrows and treat yourself. It’s worth the cost because of the time it will save you in the mornings. Stop going to those places where they tack on an $8 eyebrow wax after your pedicure. You’re better than that. WWSD? What would Sandy do?

Stop lying to your stylist about how much time you put into your hair every day. I recently broke the vicious cycle of having layers. I hated round brushing and blowing out my hair. But I would see my stylist and still say, “I just want hair like Tami Taylor.” I’m from Texas, y’all–she’s an inspiration. I would come home with my fantastic hair and then 24-hours later, I would remember how lazy am I. Be honest about the time you are willing to put in and end the insanity. If you don’t want to spend a lifetime on your hair, then just 86 those layers. Oh, and no bangs. Do not even delude yourself into thinking you will put the time in every morning to keep them looking their most Zooey Deschanel.

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Brown rice. Black beans. Barbacoa. Both Salsas. Corn. Cheese. Guac. Lettuce.

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