My Internal Conflict Between Casual Flings And Marriage Tells Me I’m Old

The Internal Conflict Between Casual Flings and Marriage Tells Me I’m Old

I am one of the few people I know who don’t complain about people posting pictures of their weddings and kids on social media. I mean, I can understand a few reasons why women care more than men… my biological clock is not ticking. But as I glance at the pictures of my college friends who either dated through college and got married young or are just starting to get married and have kids, I noticed something among them all. They look happy. Sure, Facebook is for posting all of a family’s happy moments, but hell, it looks appealing. Granted, most are past the point of diapers and scream crying (at least from the child), but they all look like an overly happy stock photo family.

I’m sure my change in attitude towards kids, the little brats I’ve traditionally found annoying, is a result of entering my thirties. You start thinking of your legacy. Your parents’ legacy. Whether you want to be the lone parent in his or her forties at elementary school PTA meetings. Worst of all, you start thinking of how you’re going to explain to your family at Thanksgiving that while you aren’t seriously dating anyone you’ve been out galavanting over the past year with nobody really sticking. Well, at least not figuratively.

On the one hand, it could be worse. I could be ten years older, single, and sliding into the Twitter DMs of 18-year-olds. That is, if Twitter doesn’t go bankrupt before then. On the other hand, I truly do want to get my shit together. Don’t get me wrong, playing the field is fun, and that’s where the internal conflict lies. Most field-playing involves someone in their mid-twenties or younger. You’re nearing a deadline. They aren’t. They have all the time in the world. Most people in their twenties who are married understood my sentiment long ago, but to those of us still single, this is where the struggle lies.

There are more problems with the transition of mindset. You are still clinging to your ideal standards in a person. Looks. Career. Personality. Chemistry. What stage of life they are in. And, if you’re in a very competitive crowd, how he or she stacks up to everyone else’s significant other (women, don’t even pretend you are above this). You have to cling to those expectations while opening up your mind to something new. When you are younger, you have the time to have the attitude of ‘if he or she doesn’t meet most if not all my requirements, I guess I can still sleep with them—I just won’t marry them.’ I know this sounds like the worst kind of person’s attitude towards casual flings or dating, but we’re all guilty of it in one way or another. But as you start to transition over to wanting a family, you wonder if you have to compromise on a few of your less important requirements. If you’re really lucky, you won’t.

My conclusion in regards to this transition in attitude I’m experiencing is that I’m old. I’m getting too freaking old. I can’t guarantee there won’t be more ships passing in the night between now and my next birthday, but there will always be the subconscious question of, “What happens tomorrow?”

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