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One of the things that helps get me through each workday is Gchat. I know that some of you have moved onto Slack or maybe you’re posted up on Lync and those are both fine – the point is we all have a messaging system that is utilized while in the office.
I think I like Gchat so much because it reminds of a simpler time in my life – back when I would use AOL instant messenger pretty much every day during middle school. Using instant messenger at work is similar – we’re all just talking shit or replaying what happened to us at the bar over the weekend. It’s a good reprieve from the slog of whatever project you’re currently working on, and that unmistakable little Gchat sound that rings through my headphones always gets me excited.
Here are the four best Gchats, slack or lync messages one can hope to receive during a routine day inside the cube. Hopefully I’m not leaving any out, but I’m sure you’ll let me know if I did.
You’ll either love this message or hate the ever living shit out of it depending on who sent it to you. If it’s from a coworker you can’t stand, you’ll have to come up with an ironclad excuse as to why you can’t go or subject yourself to an hour (or more) of worthless small talk about work. If it’s from a friend in the office, you’re probably replying with something like “Fuck yeah, doggie. Where we going?”
Heard there’s catered lunch today. When are you headed to the break room?
Sometimes word spreads slowly about a lunch that is being provided by your company. Maybe you got bogged down by a particularly dreadful Excel file and simply didn’t have time to check your inbox letting you know that there is, in fact, lunch from some place down the street. Either way, you’re getting a message (again) from a friend in the office. It’ll most likely be sandwiches from Potbelly or pizza from a local joint, but it’s definitely better than whatever you packed today.
Great job on this
From a superior in the office, this is the kind of message that I can always appreciate getting. The problem is they only come once in a blue moon. Unfortunately (and I think this is the case for most people), I rarely get any sort of appreciative message from a higher up when I’ve done something well. What usually happens is my good deeds will not be commented on and then when I’ve fucked something up badly my boss will just come by office and berate me for a few minutes. Like I said, though, it’s always nice to get a pat on the back via slack or Gchat.
Did you hear about [insert name of some dumbass that you hate working with]?
There are few things I enjoy more while in the workplace than shit talking a coworker that me and my cronies despise. A majority of my Gchats are just roast sessions of other people in the office who I cannot stand. Just an all out assault on someone’s character.
I can go on for days about the shitty food my work enemies bring in with them or their office attire. I loathe with fiber of my being the way that one of my coworkers answers her phone. “YELLO, THIS IS EDNA SPEAKIN’!” God, I hate Edna. But when I get a message that starts out with “Did you hear about so and so?” the hair on the back of my neck tingles. My heart rate increases. I smile like a maniacal school girl. I reply with something along the lines “Please, God spill that fucking tea. Did they get fired? Attacked by a bear over the weekend? Give me all of the gossip.”.
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