April 20th…. It’s one of those days where Marijuana goes mainstream. Radio stations joke about it, TV stations may show a special on it, and I know a ton of you out there (myself included) will be smoking it. But what if you could trade in your usual smoking buddy for anyone in the history of the world? Who would you smoke with? What would you smoke? And how do you think it would go down? Here’s a list of all the famous icons, past and present, I’d like to share some buds with.
1. Jesus– Imagine hanging out with Jesus smoking the “good burning bush my dad told Moses about” and how they were so right in Genesis 1:29. All the while he multiplied bags of Doritos to handle the munchies. Although we’d have to worry about that Judas guy narcing on us.
2. Robert Gronkowski– The dude is a legit party animal and all-around fun guy. He even had his own party cruise. I need a legit reason why he wouldn’t be on this list.
3. Cab Calloway– Cab was one of the most iconic jazz musicians of all time, and also one of my favorites. He performed songs such as “Minnie The Moocher,” “Reefer Man,” and “Jumpin’ Jive.” He even had a role in the movie The Blues Brothers. We’d toke up and let the Jazz just flow.
4. John Belushi– I couldn’t mention the Blues Brothers and not have John in here. From his work in Animal House to his SNL sketches as Samurai Futaba, he’s proved to be a comedic icon in American history. To get stoned and do a sketch with Belushi would be life changing.
5. Bob Marley– We’d be jammin’ and preferably on a beautiful Jamaican beach munching on some jerk chicken.
6. Abraham Lincoln– The president who kept the union together, ended slavery, and whose favorite things included, “sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe of sweet hemp and playing my Hohner harmonica” yea I’ll get down with that, Abe. Just no theater shows.
7. Shakespeare– One of the literary GOATs. Let’s get some popcorn, light the blunt, and watch Richard III starring Ian McKellen.
8. Robin Williams– If anything I’d like to pack a bowl and thank him for all of the great childhood movies he provided for a generation. Genie, you’re free…
9. Jackie O and JFK– JFK was noted for his use of marijuana for back pain and Jackie was a fashion icon. Let’s toke up while Jackie helps us buy some fire suits online.
10. Queen Elizabeth– Getting high with the Queen of England?! Why not? Plus she supposedly used marijuana to help out with menstrual cramps. I’ll introduce her to The Beatles… the only successful British invasion in our country’s history.
11. Tommy Chong– The guy is a legend. He’s written books, starred in many TV shows and movies, and even had a line of glassware. Tommy, if you’re reading this, let’s make it happen.
12. Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, Bill Nye, and Neil deGrasse Tyson– I’m lumping all of these dudes together for one awesome smoke session. I’d ask questions like “What if *inhales deeply* our universe is just an atom in some other bigger universe?” and prepare to have my mind blown.
13. Charles Darwin– I’d say me and Charles would ingest some edibles and I’d just show him a bunch of YouTube videos and we’d begin to question natural selection and the survival of the human race.
14. Teddy Roosevelt– Teddy was probably one of the most bad-ass presidents of all time. I’d imagine we’d chill together in a trophy room, sipping brandy in front of a fire, all the while toking individual joints talking about his experience with bigfoot.
15. Banksy– This mysterious British artist has captivated audiences across the globe with his style and bold street art. I’m not sure if Banksy tokes, but I’d like to share a few bong rips with this creative genius and just watch him work.
16. Bill Murray– Another comedic legend who has undoubtedly earned a spot on this list.
17. Doug Benson– Ideally we’d toke up before going on to play @midnight. However, it might be easier if I just went to one of his shows.
18. Jerry Garcia– Legendary jam band front man, Jerry Garcia, I’d let him pick up his guitar and just go to town while we vibed out. Jam on, Jerry.
19. Snoop Dogg– I’ve eaten his cannabis-infused edibles “Peanut Butter Gems” and they were amazing, but I’d like to sit back and roll some L’s with the dogfather in the studio and attempt to spit bars about the #MargLife.
20. Galileo– I’d imagine we’d get high, order a pizza, and just toss stuff off the tower of pisa.
21. Bill Clinton– Clinton is just a smooth guy and sax fiend… but I will not smoke anything even close to a cigar if he went near Monica with it…
22.Bobby Flay– Hands down we’d make some amazing cannabis-infused edibles along with any other munchies we could think of.
23. Marshawn Lynch– We already know he’s an athlete who DGAF. Which is one more reason why he’s on this list. Marshawn, you down, bro?
Grab some skittles and let’s call Gronk to play some video games. Conan, you can come too.
24. Henry J. Anslinger– For those of you who don’t know, he is one of the main reasons why Cannabis was outlawed in the first place. Maybe if he actually tried cannabis he’d realize he was full of shit and I could go out and get my weed like I do wine or beer.
25. Dillon Cheverere, Madison Wickham, Rob Fox, Ross Bolen, Boosh, David Ruff, & Will deFries– It’d certainly make for an interesting podcast, especially if Dillon though he was going to piss his pants the whole time…
This list was tough to write and I’m sure I left a few great ones out. If you think I missed anyone feel free to leave it in the comments. I’m looking forward to reading through them later..