The Cubicle Warrior’s Double Life: Baseball Game

The Cubicle Warrior's Double Life: Baseball Game

Ben rushed home from work to throw on a Hawaiian and some shorts for an impending meet-up with the crew. The boys were about to come over so they could all head to the ballpark for the local minor league team’s dollar beer night. It had become a squad tradition, and Ben actually looked forward to going with the guys instead of fearing for the worst as always. Soon Dylan and Nick showed up to pregame while they waited on Jake. Dylan brought up Emily.

“Hey man so how is everything going with that girl you’ve been talking to?”
Ben threw back his beer and finished it. “Don’t really care honestly. She was begging me to go to a Memorial Day cookout at her house and I’m just not trying to meet her family, ya know? Plus I think I work with her mom, so that would be super weird. It’s whatever man, let’s go get wild!” (Ben knew he worked with her mom, and he knew that she would try to marry them in a second.)

Jake finally arrived and the boys were ballpark bound. They went straight to the beer table before they even got to their seats, ordered three each, chugged one each, and double fisted back to their seats. The drinking game was a sip for every pitch, a finishing your drink for a home run, a strikeout, or any time the cameraman decided to throw you up on the scoreboard. They were headed straight for a good time.

As the game continued on and the guys’ collective BAC pushed .50, they moved to the beer table area to congregate and socialize. They found a group of six girls and got to flirting. After a few minutes of some good jokes and a compliment or two, Ben had a girl, Nick had a girl, Jake had a girl, and even though Dylan had 3:1 odds, he had no girl. The remaining three girls went back to their seats without saying a word to Dylan, so he grabbed some more beers and headed back to his seat alone to get blacked out.

In the meantime, Ben was still shooting the shit with the one girl. He showed her some pictures of Duke on his phone and said she would have to meet him sometime. She said, “Maybe I can come see him after the game!” Before Ben could even process that subtle hint at sex, everyone around them started to yell. Ben turned to the scoreboard. Kiss cam. Seriously? He turned back to laugh it off with the girl but she immediately dove in to start sucking on his tongue. Before he could even get his arms around her she gave him a solid crotch grab and smiled at him. She told him she was going to the bathroom and then she would be back. Ben got in line to get some more beer. Right when he was about to order two more, he felt a cup of beer hit him in the back of the head.

“WHAT THE FUCK BEN. WHO THE FUCK WERE YOU MAKING OUT WITH ON THE KISS CAM YOU ASSHOLE?!” Looks like Emily was at the game too. Emily started pounding on Ben’s chest like a bass drum. He looked to his friends for help, but they were preoccupied. He saw Dylan standing in the distance, just sipping his beer with a shit eating grin on his face. Two workers from Event Staff quickly grabbed Emily and removed her from the stadium, and Ben returned to order his beer.

The girl he had been talking to returned from the bathroom and immediately asked why his hair was soaking wet and why he smelled like beer.

“My friends are assholes. I definitely need to get out of this shirt though. Wanna get out of here?”

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Just a big dude from Virginia who loves Dale Earnhardt, guns, and eating red meat.

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