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The Contents Of My Ambien-Induced Shopping Spree

The Contents Of My Ambien-Induced Shopping Spree

Thanks to my Amazon Prime subscription, I will have multiple packages waiting at my door in two days. However, these purchases aren’t evoking the usual excitement that comes with knowing you have mail. They will most likely be returned since I have no recollection of purchasing three chairs, Israeli couscous, and a first aid kit.

I had heard stories about people doing crazy shit while on sleep aids. A quick Google search reveals that successful legal teams have gotten their clients off for committing murders while taking Ambien. They found a way to prove that a person under the influence of the drug can truly have no idea of their actions, as if they were sleepwalking. I didn’t murder anybody, but I definitely was not making a conscious decision to make an online purchase.

I’ve been getting the best sleep of my life thanks to these little miracle pills. They knock you out minutes after you ingest them, and then you’re down for the count the entire night. I will fall asleep and wake up in the same position, the blankets hardly moved at all. It’s like being dead, but without the long-term commitment. That’s how I felt last night, but apparently, I wasn’t as inactive as I thought.

When I woke up, I followed my normal morning routine, and started checking my important apps on my phone. When I pulled up my G-mail to sift through the liberal amount of promo emails from every clothing retailer in the world, I noticed an Amazon order confirmation email I was not expecting. This confirmation email congratulated me for ordering three upholstered high-top chairs, four pounds of Israeli couscous, and a very chic Johnson’s & Johnson first aid kit. The total for this purchase was just a few dollars under $300.

My first thought was someone else is using my account. I tried to think of any public computers I had used recently but nothing came to mind. I did a little more sleuthing and tried to find out if Amazon time stamps their orders. While I couldn’t find an exact time, Amazon does display the day it was placed. This rogue order was listed on the day I was waking up on, so it had been placed after midnight. By now, I had dropped the hacked account theory and was instead trying to remember if I had woken up at any point last night. I had no recollection of getting up at all, let alone using my phone or computer.

After a morning of confused pondering, I finally accepted that I had made this online shopping buy while still technically asleep. It added up, with the prescription in the mix now and my previous penchant for sleepwalking. I attempted to cancel out the multiple orders, but Amazon was throwing a bitch fit and making the whole thing overly difficult. Instead, I have just accepted the fact my money will be tied up for a bit until I can complete the return process.

One of the biggest questions still bothering me is why I picked the items I did. I wish I knew if there was an algorithm was in place that lead me to three very different things. Maybe my subconscious knew exactly what it was looking for and searched by product name. Was I hungry in the middle of the night and craving a couscous salad? Maybe in the back of my mind my body is sick of sitting on hard-back chairs. I will probably never get an answer and it’s bothering me to no end.

There’s a chance it happens again, which is scary and hilarious at the same time. I don’t plan on going off the Ambien because it is so wonderful, and no amount of sleep shopping can ruin that for me. I may remove saved credit cards from my online accounts, or move my cell phone out of the room when I sleep. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to find some great online deals that I missed when awake.

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Kell Choi

future soccer mom of America (AKA I drive a Volvo.) Miracle is my favorite movie and it should be yours too. Follow me on Twitter @kellchoi

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