Hey dipshits – Father’s Day is Sunday, June 18th. That’s closer than you think. And guess what? Standard shipping on Man Outfitters (and pretty much every other site) cuts off on Thursday, June 8. You don’t want to pay for express shipping, do you? No, you don’t. Plan ahead. Show him that you care. Arrive on time and come bearing dope shit. Or wait until June 13th when you can still get express shipping. Your call, not mine.
Luckily, I’ve put together the best possible gifts to give your old man. Nothing flashy – just some staples that he didn’t know he needed until his cool-ass son put it right in front of his face. But enough about you being a cool-ass son. This day’s all about dad, and these gifts are all about him too.
Yeti Rambler 30 Stainless Steel Vacuum Insulated Tumbler – Buy Now
Remember when your pops would have an ambiguous container in the center console while driving from Point A to Point B? Yeah, that was booze. Dads love roadies whether it’s driving you home from soccer practice or taking the pontoon out for a joy ride. “Swing juice,” he might call it on the golf course. Just a classic dad joke that never gets old no matter how many times you beat it into the ground.
Best possible product to replace his old Tervis? The 30-ounce Yeti Rambler. Fits in nearly every cup holder because it’s top-heavy (just like he likes his women, am I right?) and will keep your ice cold for hours on end. Oh, and it’s 25% off but he doesn’t have to know that.
Filson Original Briefcase – Buy Now
$325 for Father’s Day? Are you loco, ese? Yeah, turns out I am. Think about how much money your dad has dropped on you over the years. Now double that because he still bought you all that stuff while you lipped off to him. Replace his old briefcase with one that says, “Might as well have the best.” No, seriously, that’s Filson’s slogan because they are what they say they are – the fuckin’ best. Comes in different colors too. Hell, maybe if you spring on a new laptop bag for him, he’ll stop asking you menial questions about how to open and close iTunes. You could run this thing over with a truck and it’d still stand still. But not with a laptop actually in it. That’d be flat out irresponsible.
Outdoor Voices Sunday Shorts – Buy Now
How many times does Touching Base have to tell you about Sunday Shorts before you buy a pair? Dillon wore a pair on Monday and he’s a dad, so his credibility in this situation is through the damn roof. This is the hottest apparel brand in the athletic game right now, and it’s based right here in Austin, Texas.
When he’s working the lobby at the country club after playing some racquetball, all his cronies will be asking where he got these puppies. “My son actually got ’em for me,” he’ll tell them just before heading to the bar and ordering a styrofoam cup full of brown liquid that smells like scotch. By the way, it is scotch and he’s going to pour that shit directly into the Yeti 30-ounce Rambler you already bought him.
Barney Cools ‘Lobster’ Hawaiian Shirt – Buy Now
The only thing that pairs better with lobster than a gin and tonic in a highball is this shirt. Fact.
When it’s lobster season, it’s time to bring out the big guns. I’m talking about the good tongs, the fine china, and the best damn Hawaiian shirt on the market. Turns out this one’s the one. Everyone will get a chuckle out of it while he grills or boils those lives sons of bitches because he’s wearing a lobster shirt while making lobster. Again, a hilarious dad joke that never gets old.
Mizzen and Main ‘Inca’ Heather Performance Henley – Buy Now
When the suit comes off and he’s already worked on his dad strength for the day, it’s time to run some errands. He’s as tired of his ratty old “[INSERT COLLEGE] DAD” shirt as you are. He needs to modernize his casualwear game, and the best way to do that is to dabble in the henley game. Ryan Gosling wears them, not that he knows who he is. But when he’s standing in line at the post office and sees that old bastard George who he goes way back with, he’s going to look ten years younger than him. And not just because George doesn’t apply the right amount of SPF while wintering in Florida. That’s important, kids. Skin is everything.
Columbia Bora Bora Booney Hat – Buy Now
There comes a time in every man’s life when he decides it’s socially acceptable to wear a bucket hat on the golf course. Well, your pops has already gotten to that point and you need to feed the beast. Give him this Bora Bora hat that’s different from all the Titleist ones his buddies are wearing while zig-zagging back and forth all over the practice green. Like I said, skin is everything. And when it comes to your neck, there’s no better coverage than a bucket hat. Dad gets it. .
Image via Dads Are The Original Hipsters Tumblr