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Alright folks. We’ve only got three real episodes of this season left, and while Rachel is concerned with deciding who she wants to see on one knee holding a Neil Lane ring at the end of all this, I’m more concerned with how drunk I’m going to need to be to tolerate watching any more of this shit. The solution to that quandary is a tried and true method: Hometown Date Bingo.
Here’s how this little game works. Click here – this will take you to your bingo board. When you click, you’ll get a randomly generated card. You can print the card out, or play on your computer, phone, tablet, or make your own cards using the list of square options below – whatever gives you a tingle in your dingle. If you’re really into winning, print out a bunch of cards and just go nuts – channel your inner octogenarian and turn your living room into a bona fide bingo hall. Rope your friends, roommates, and family into playing too. The more the merrier!
Each square will have an event that is almost certain to transpire during Rachel’s interactions with the families of her four remaining suitors. I’ll be live tweeting from @CrickWatsonMD using #BacheloretteBingo, so follow along and I’ll tweet when things happen – when they do, mark it off on your board and take a big old slug of whatever you’re drinking. I typically enjoy a nice glass (alright fine, bottle) of red on Bachelorette Mondays, but depending on how terrible of a day I’ve had, it may be whiskey. Gametime call, really. Also, I’m an Eastern Time dude, so if you’re on the left coast, tough break. Enjoy your sunshine, nice weather and beautiful people.
When you get five in a row (column, row, or diagonal – I don’t buy into that cluster or four corner business that the little snake in your third grade class tried to pull over on everyone) scream BINGO, chug your drink, tell everyone you’re playing with that they suck, and most importantly, tweet a picture of that beautiful, game winning board to me for the Internet recognition that you deserve.
For shits and giggles, here’s a list of the squares we’ll be playing with for this round:
– Rachel cries
– Dude cries
– Family member cries
– “I’m in love with Rachel!”
– “Are you ready to get married?”
– Comment about race
– Hot mom
– Pet sighting
– Someone drinking hard liquor
– Mention of Fantasy Suites
– Someone’s ex is mentioned
– “Rachel would fit in with my family!”
– Embarrassing childhood photo
– “There are still 3 other guys left…”
– Family is skeptical of the Bachelorette process
– Childhood bedroom
– Dude gives Rachel a gift
– Rachel meets a grandparent
– Drunk family member
– “Do you love him?”
– “This is the hardest decision yet”
– Dude takes Rachel to his job
– “This is my favorite place!”
– Noticeable haircut
– “There’s something you should know…”
– “I’ve never felt like this before”
– Family member kisses Rachel on the cheek
– No Rose Ceremony
And of course:
– “Right reasons” .
Image via Twitter / The Bachelorette
A Dude's Breakdown of the Bachelor
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