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Alright folks. If you’ve followed Dude’s Breakdowns in previous seasons, you know that Hometowns and Fantasy Suites are when things get intense; the contestants start to take their relationships seriously and talk about their feelings instead of just getting drunk and crying about how sharing the same fake boyfriend with 20 other bitches is the hardest thing in the world. With only four remaining contestants, who think that we actually care about their happiness instead of using their misfortunes to make ourselves feel better about our own lives, the episodes can get a little bit tedious, so we’ve found a way to keep things interesting and to make sure you wine glass is always getting emptier: Bachelor Bingo.
Here’s how it works.
Click here – this will take you to your bingo board. When you click, you’ll get a randomly generated card. You can print it out, play on your computer/tablet/phone, or carve a board into your coffee table to remember forever for all I care. During the episode, I’ll be live tweeting from @CrickWatsonMD, so hit me with that follow and we’ll get the game started right at 8 PM EST. Sorry to you West Coast folks, this doctor has an early bedtime Each time one of the events on the board happens, I’ll tweet out which one we’re crossing off the board, and we’ll all take a big drink of our wine together. It doesn’t count as drinking alone if we’re all doing it collectively, right?
When you get five across, down, or diagonal (I don’t fuck around with four corners or clusters or any of that other amateur hour nonsense), yell “BINGO,” finish your wine (don’t be a quitter), call your mom, taunt your friends, and pour yourself a fresh glass of vino, or whatever else feels right in the moment – but most importantly, take a picture of your winning board and tweet it at me and I’ll let Bachelor Nation know that you’re the winner of the fake internet points and you shall forever bask in the glory of your victory.
For funsies, here are all the possible squares:
– Raquel sighting
– “I’m in love with Nick!”
– “Nick fits in with my family!”
– Drunk family member
– Visible weapon
– Nick asks for permission to propose
– “There’s still 3 other women”
– Bangable mom
– Girl cries
– Reference to Nick on “Bachelorette”
– Fantasy Suite reference
– Girl gives Nick a gift
– Hot sister
– “Are you ready to get married?”
– Nick cries
– Embarrassing childhood photo
– Pet sighting
– Girl says “Daddy”
– Dad doesn’t give Nick permission to propose
– Girl gets a haircut/dye job
– “There’s something you should know…”
– Grandparent sighting
– Mom kisses Nick on the cheek
– “This is my favorite place”
– Family member cries
– Family question Nick’s intentions
– Nick hugs a dad
– “We have an amazing connection”
– Girl takes Nick to her job
And of course…
– “Right reasons” .
Image via @BachelorABC Twitter
A Dude's Breakdown of the Bachelor
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