The Awesome Twitter Game Of Breaking Bad’s Dean Norris

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WARNING: Spoilers ahead.

We’re all fans of the wonderful manna from heaven that has been delivered to us in the form of Vince Gilligan’s Breaking Bad (and if you’re not a fan, I don’t know what the fuck you’re even still doing here, get off the fucking computer and go binge watch the marathon until Sunday on AMC so you can partake in the magnificence that is real time BrBa. If you’re not a fan because you don’t like the show, seriously just go please make yourself a ricin smoothie because people of such poor taste don’t deserve to breathe the same air as the recently and long overdue Emmy award winning team that is the cast and crew. If you don’t like the show, you didn’t even get that ricin reference, and for the record, you suck.)

Obviously we love Bryan Cranston for his ability to portray such a ruthless character, switching us from contempt to empathetic sorrow in a heartbeat, and for being such a goofball character in real life. (He loves whitey-tighties so much, that in close-up scenes he just doesn’t wear pants on set).

And OBVIOUSLY we love Aaron Paul for being the kindest, most genuine human being on the planet, who not only talks to fans who come by his house, but is able to put any man to shame by the way he loves and adores his wife, and on top of all that, that time he hugged his pizza delivery guy for bringing him so much joy in the form of cheesy goodness. (And not that you need any more convincing, but watch this video of Aaron Paul with a baby. It’ll break your heart, in the best way possible).

But you know who’s more badass than you will ever be, even if you were given seven life times and a beard of such girth it would put Paul Bunyan to shame?

Dean. Motherfucking. “The Mineral.” Norris.

Dean Norris is the fucking man. I would love to get a beer with Dean Norris. He not only brought us this magnificent gem (or mineral, as I’m sure he’d prefer it to be said), and brought us so many so many emotional performances through his portrayal as Hank, making us laugh, shudder, cheer, and cry (I actually had to pause my DVR to let his death sink in. I was so shocked and stunned. He went out a champ, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. And that’s right, no spoiler alert because if you’re not caught up yet then Fuck You.), but he’s just a hilarious guy.

Need proof?

Dean Norris’s twitter account is like that Christmas morning when you were 9, and you just keep opening presents, and they just keep getting better, and better, and better. No scarves, no socks, just video games and your favorite DVDs, and every single toy you had on your list is there – and THEN some.

For example:

“Wow, I know, uncool to cry at your own death” – Is that a rule? Is that a Hollywood staple that I was previously unaware of? Or is it just Dean Norris being hilarious AND paying homage to Hank Schrader, all in one? Then there’s:

Dean!! My man!! He does not give a FUCK. If you are not caught up on Breaking Bad, you are a lame ass and he will let you know through blatant and spot on sarcasm.

I love this one. Not only is it hilarious, but the laws of capitalization and punctuation DO NOT apply to Dean. I texted my friend this and he got on my case because he thought I was making fun of him, when in actuality I was just saying how it made Dean ten times more awesome, and made the tweet ten times more hilarious. But the moral of the story is he was ready to defend Dean Norris because who the hell wouldn’t?

Dean Norris’ stance on Walt gone Heisenberg was never quite a secret. And the delivery of this tweet could not prove it more.

Dean does not give a shit. Dean will do whatever the fuck he wants, in all of his greatness. Such. A. Badass.

Dean!! FCC move over, Dean Norris has no room for your silly regulations in his daily life of kicking ass. And lastly,

Legitimately a compliment could not have been framed anymore badassly than Dean Norris telling his fans that he “unfucks” them.

These are just a snippet from the goldmine of tweets Dean has released, and I sincerely advise that when you’re done trying to figure out what the fuck to do with your life post-Sunday now that Breaking Bad has left a big gaping hole in your heart and you’re not quite ready to re-watch the entire series again, follow Mr. Norris on Twitter. We could all use a little wisdom from Hank every day to kick us into gear for the long and incredibly not badass 9-5 life.

Although we will never be able to achieve “the man” status of Dean Norris, we salute you, Dean, for your great contributions both to television and to the Twitter-sphere. Thank you sincerely for all you have done to keep us entertained and make us feel alive by living vicariously through you in the harrowing times of post-gradderdom.

Stay awesome, Dean. You rock mineral.

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one time i told a potential employer in an interview that my favorite movie was jurassic park, completely out of context. i think that sums up being an adult for me.

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