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- Fuck.
- Shit.
- I’m dying.
- Fuck.
- I need a McMuffin-sized Advil right now. Also, a McMuffin.
- Oh, sweet. Got a number last night…
- …it’s from that dude I went to high school with who wants to sell me life insurance.
- Fuck that guy.
- I hope no one slept over last night. I do not want to deal with people right now.
- Jesus Christ. It’s not even 8:00am yet.
- Please let me go back to sleep. I won’t ask for anything else the rest of the day. Just let me go back to sleep.
- Who did I text last night?
- Oh shit. Better delete that tweet. That one, too.
- Need sleep. God, please.
- Advil. Need it…
- …but it’s in the kitchen.
- Do I really need Advil?
- Yes, I fucking need Advil.
- Faaaaaaaack.
- Son of a bitch. Why am I so messy when I’m drunk?
- How much does a maid cost?
- Advil, take me away.
- Who the fuck is texting me right now?
- Goddammit, man. Not right now. Way too early to even comprehend what happened last night.
- I’m so freaking hungry. Still too drunk to drive.
- Roommate spent the night at his girlfriend’s house last night. Good.
- Guess I’ll watch some TV.
- MY EYES.
- Why is our couch so uncomfortable?
- My bones hurt.
- If my company didn’t drug test, I’d so be smoking a bowl right now.
- Could really go for some half-hearted morning sex.
- Too early to think about work.
- Why don’t I have any food?
- No, unemployed degenerate friend from college, I do not feel like Sunday funday.
- I never felt like this in college.
- Where is my credit card?
- I should check my bank accou- GOOD LORD.
- I need food.
- Who delivers this early?
- I wonder if WebMD can diagnose cirrhosis of the liver.
- WebMD says I have jaundice. That can’t be right.
- Oh shit. Maybe I have cancer.
- How do I schedule a doctor’s appointment?
- Work is going to suck tomorrow.
- I wonder if one of my nursing friends can hook me up with an IV? They do that, right?
- 10 more hours till Game of Thrones. Don’t know if I can make it.
- Maybe I should work out? I heard that works.
- Eh, nachos should do the trick.
- I’m getting too old for this shit.
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