The 5 Worst Things About Funemployment

So, you’ve entered the real world with no viable job options in sight. You could use this opportunity to take up new hobbies and travel to exotic locales. Instead, you take the opportunity to drink heavily, lie in bed for hours, and peruse Craigslist, wondering if all of those jobs are really as sketchy as they sound. Here are the five worst things about being funemployed.

1. The Job Hunt
Job-hunting deserves its own special circle of hell. You rework your resume, send out cover letters, and worst of all, network. Whoever invented networking must be a glutton for punishment, because it blows. Informational interviews are great if they get you a job, but if someone doesn’t have a job for you, it’s an unlimited network of impossible. Then there’s the actual interview in which you pretend that you’re a well-adjusted member of society who won’t spend your days in the office endlessly perusing your ex’s Facebook updates.

2. The Prospect of Moving Back Home
While you love your parents, and your mom is an excellent cook, after living on your own you’re not exactly dying to move back into your childhood bedroom. Oh, it also looks like a six year old lives there. Let’s be honest, no one wants to introduce a member of the opposite sex to their “roommates” in the morning when said roommates are their parents. It’s like high school all over again, except your parents can’t force you to follow a curfew, and you realize how much most of the people you went to high school with suck.

3. The Unlimited Free Time
You’ve started watching Netflix shows that are beyond embarrassing (the recommendations alone are painful), and you’ve finished entire seasons in a day. You were so productive at first, but now getting out of bed is a Herculean task a mere mortal wouldn’t be able to accomplish. After all, you’re not exactly psyched for a day when all that’s on your plate is a trip to the grocery store because you can’t stand the thought of yet another microwaveable meal.

4. Your Friends Are Busy
Congratulations, you can now go out every night and drink to your heart’s content because there’s nowhere to be in the morning. Sadly, your friends have lives, and you don’t want to be the loner lurking at the bar, because that’s creepy (and alcoholism). Your employed friends will have one drink with you and call it a night, while you’re ready to rage because you finally changed out of your pajamas, so your energy is at an all time high.

5. Explaining to People “What You Do”
The conversation that occurs when trying to explain that you’re “looking” is downright uncomfortable. It’s the worst when people who are still in school question your current (fun)employment. Those idealistic a-holes don’t realize that they’re about to be thrown into the janky job force with no applicable skills, because like you, they spent all their time in college drinking (as it should be). Welcome to the real world. It’s great here.

Soon enough you’ll be staring at the clock at 3PM on a Friday, dreaming about that seemingly magical time in your life when all that you had scheduled was a nap. Now, you’ve got stress to deal with, a boss to answer to, a commute to make, and deadlines to meet, and all you can think about is how you should’ve taken advantage of all that glorious free time. Before you get too nostalgic, though, remember how amazing it is to not have your parents as roommates, and you should feel just fine.

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