The 30 Worst Insults You’ll Hear In Your 20s


  1. I would invite you, but it actually costs money to go.
  2. Oh, I’m sure you’ve got it all figured out.
  3. This was done better when we let the interns do it.
  4. Don’t worry, a computer will probably take over your job in the next couple years.
  5. When I said I prefer guys who have goals, I meant guys who are already successful.
  6. You lost your virginity in college, didn’t you?
  7. That’s actually a job?
  8. I liked you better when you lived with your parents.
  9. The only reason we don’t pay you less is because the law won’t let us.
  10. I only invited you over because I was too lazy to masturbate.
  11. Wait, what was your degree in again?
  12. Well, I guess it’s better than not having a car at all.
  13. They have a business school there?
  14. I asked what you do for a living, not what you want to do.
  15. It’s too bad you weren’t trying to break into [whichever dying industry] 30 years ago.
  16. Hey, I used to have that phone!
  17. Well, at least we know your budget for food isn’t suffering.
  18. I would’ve bought you a better bottle of wine, but I wasn’t sure if you’d know the difference.
  19. It’s nice that you still let your mom pick out your clothes.
  20. Your job isn’t technically necessary–we just haven’t gotten around to streamlining the department yet.
  21. Don’t worry. You’re young. You have plenty of time.
  22. Is that the job you went to school for?
  23. At least your brother will have kids in the next few years.
  24. I don’t think you make enough money to be the older guy college girls go for.
  25. What are you planning on doing with your vacation days? Just hanging out at home?
  26. Maybe you should have gone to grad school after all.
  27. No, I get it. Gym memberships are expensive.
  28. Is your refridgerator always this depressing?
  29. Can you even afford to be in a relationship right now?
  30. I probably would have been really into you if we’d met in college.

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Randall J. Knox

Randall J. Knox (known colloquially to his friends as "Knox") left his native Texas a few years ago, and moved to Los Angeles in his '03 Buick Regal named LeRoi to write movies with his jackass college buddies. His favorite things in life include bourbon that's above his pay grade, mix CDs, and Kevin Costner films. He isn't sure what "dad jeans" are exactly, but he knows he wants a pair.

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