The 2014 Summer Intern Mock Draft

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Howie Binglesmork

School: Southern New Hampshire University (Online)
Hometown: Springfield, CT
Internship: Prudential
Division: Client Services
Major: General Studies
GPA: 2.9
Student Loan Debt: -$24,387
Golf Handicap: 14
Work Ethic: 10/10

Pros:
– This guy is going to work his ass off for you. Blue collar attitude.
– Never complains.
– Overcame some serious obstacles to get where he is now.

Cons:
– He’s 37. Those obstacles we talked about were divorce and his children hating him.
– Got his degree online.
– At that weird age where he’s not old enough to get away with being tech illiterate, but still is.
– Serial online dater.

Projected: 6th round

Recruiter says: “Howie just wants an opportunity. If given one, he might be the hardest damn worker in the office. If he can handle the embarrassment of entry-level work while he’s pushing 40, he might turn out alright. His decision making should be called into question, as he had 15 years of experience in insurance sales but still returned to college for a general studies degree. As the saying goes, ‘Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.'”

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TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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