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Monica “Icebox” Riley
Company: Mid-American Trucking Co.
Relationship: Grade school friend
Job: Operations Manager
Position: Pitcher or centerfield
Relationship status: Single
Age: 25
Height: 5 foot 9
Weight: 160 pounds
Pros:
• Pretty athletic. She was a three-sport letterwoman in high school: field hockey, basketball, and softball.
• She’s hyper-competitive. She beat you up in front of the entire class during recess once.
• She’s cute, I guess?
• You’re pretty sure she has a huge crush on Stevesie, and you really love watching him squirm. Dude is so awkward around chicks.
Cons:
• You’ve seen her fight a bitch. Her words, not mine. More than five times. We’ve lost count, too.
• It might not be worth it. She’s too abrasive and she’s really not that good.
• Her crush on Stevesie will undoubtedly be a distraction each week.
• She might not even be able to play–needs to find someone to watch her cats during games.
Projected: Sixth pick
Outlook: The team needs at least one girl for every five guys according to league rules, and Icebox might have to be your sacrificial lamb in order to make your team eligible. You don’t know girls anymore.
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
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Amazing read as always, McGannon. I don’t know anything about the lady weights, but let me just say it sounds like you’re going to have the most fit team in your beer league. Your catcher is out of shape, but only weighs 240 pounds?
As one of the more outta shape guys on my baseball team this summer, one guy is only 6’1″ and pushing 270. Does this make him obese? ….Asking for a friend.
Murph can play on my team anytime.
You know how those Pfizer reps get down.
Besides, you know the friend that sucks will always be hot.
Dibs on the guy in the Cubs hat and jorts
Man, 31 is considered old as fuck, now? Damn.
I love you. I mean that.
The mock drafts are probably the funniest articles on here or TFM, more of these please.
Masterful work, McGannon. Well played sir.
I’m sorry, there’s no way a girl is playing shortstop for my team. Even if she did play in college, it’s just not right.
Grow up, Peter Pan. Talent Talks, Bullshit Walks. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. (I have run out of cliches, but you’re an asshole and I don’t like you.)
Noted. Appreciate the life advice.