These Are The 20 Best High-Paying Jobs In America, And They’re All Way Out Of My League

The 20 Best High-Paying Jobs In America Are All Way Out Of My Wheelhouse

Just yesterday at lunch, I said to the squad, “Man, money is the sole thing I stress about.” They concurred, and we began telling stories about how a $10,000 accident could make or break us for foreseeable future. It’s scary-ass shit, you guys. I mean, just last month someone hit-and-run’d my whip and it’s been on my mind ever since. I mean, fuck, I need to start raking it in.

Then this list of the “20 Best High-Paying Jobs In America” came out and I was all like, “There we go, just what Daddy needed.” A shopping list for what I need to do to get ahead in life and dominate.

But just know going into this that it’s based on a bunch of factors. Per Business Insider, the rankings determined “the best occupations in the country based on median salary, employment rate, growth, job prospects, stress level, and work-life balance.”

The top twenty best high-paying jobs are as follows:

20. Optometrist (Mean annual salary: $113,010)
19. Business operations manager (Mean annual salary: $117,200)
18. Pharmacist (Mean annual salary: $118,470)
17. Sales manager (Mean annual salary: $126,040)
16. Financial manager (Mean annual salary: $130,230)
15. Lawyer (Mean annual salary: $133,470)
14. IT manager (Mean annual salary: $136,280)
13. Marketing manager (Mean annual salary: $137,400)
12. Podiatrist (Mean annual salary: $137,480)
11. Prosthodontist (Mean annual salary: $142,830)
10. Nurse anesthetist (Mean annual salary: $158,900)
9. Dentist (Mean annual salary: $166,810)
8. Pediatrician (Mean annual salary: $175,400)
7. Psychiatrist (Mean annual salary: $182,700)
6. Physician (Mean annual salary: $190,530)
5. Orthodontist (Mean annual salary: $201,030)
4. Obstetrician and gynecologist (Mean annual salary: $214,750)
3. Oral and maxillofacial surgeon (Mean annual salary: $219,600)
2. Surgeon (Mean annual salary: $240,440)
1. Anesthesiologist (Mean annual salary: $246,320)

Now, I know I’m not qualified for any job that ends in “-ist” and I know I don’t have the proper schooling to become a lawyer or doctor… but you’re trying to tell me that being a fucking foot doctor is a better high-paying job than a professional baseball player whose minimum salary is $300,000? Yeah, right.

“But Will, it’s based on employment rate and job prospects too.” I know that, you numbskulls. But don’t the stress level, salary, and work-life balance kinda outweigh how hard it is to become a pro baseball player or a fucking goon in the NHL? I’d rather dedicate my lowly life to being on the PGA Champion’s Tour than get paid less money to look at infected vaginas as a gyno. Truth hurts, but hey, do you want to look back at your life knowing that you could’ve been a pro athlete only to know that you spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on school just to assess old lady bunions? That’s what I thought.

Give yourself a shot and become a movie star, fly fishing guide, blogger, or professional athlete. “Thank me later.” — Drake

[via Business Insider]

Image via Unsplash

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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