The 16 Most Common Symptoms of Resting Bitch Face


Resting Bitch Face (RBF) is an international travesty that affects not only those afflicted, but their friends and loved ones who have to help explain their ailment to other worried parties. Essentially, those who suffer from RBF show visible symptoms of apathy, anger, sullenness, or just plain distaste for everything around them. The kicker is that they don’t know they’re doing this–it’s just their “neutral” look when they’re not concentrating and are just in thought.

If you have to deal with any of the following aggravations, you may very well be exhibiting symptoms of RBF. Unfortunately, there is no cure yet. In the meantime, we recommend drinking heavily to deal with the Sisyphus-like burden of your exterior’s resemblance to the blank and hollow interior of your dark, dark soul.

  1. People constantly ask you, “Are you okay?” You were perfectly fine until they reminded you of your ailment.
  2. Strangers on public transportation tell you to “cheer up.” You’re on public transportation. Enough said.
  3. Strangers in bars come up to you and say, “I would buy you a drink to make you smile.” Your visage immediately improves.
  4. People write you off as “a total bitch” without ever getting to know you. This presents less contact with people, so whatever.
  5. At new jobs, you’re called into your boss’s office to see “if you’re okay, because your teammates are concerned that you look like you’re always about to cry.” Well, yes, but it’s only an internal thing.
  6. Candid photos of you always give off the sullen, modeling look, which is quite chic if you think about it.
  7. The last time someone told you to “turn that frown upside down,” the resulting attack may have ended in a restraining order.
  8. You have to force yourself to look pleasant during interviews, first dates, and so on. Unfortunately, this requires mirror practice time–AKA wasted minutes that add up to hours of your life you’ll never get back.
  9. People refer to you as “that person who never smiles.” In all honesty, this is better than being the person who never stops smiling.
  10. You have to worry about frown lines in your twenties.
  11. “Sullen bitch” has become a term of endearment.
  12. You refer to RBF as an actual thing to HR in a futile attempt to get medical leave.
  13. When you hang out with new acquaintances, they remark on how you’re “actually able to smile.” I’m sorry, do I know you?
  14. You wonder if you’ll ever get handicapped parking because people cut you off based on facial expressions.
  15. People are pleasantly surprised by how nice you are. Duh, you plebeians.
  16. It takes longer for people to approach you at a bar because “you look angry.” Well, yes, and it can be easily amended with another beer.

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Writer in NYC. To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough."

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