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We’ve all been there. You think about being productive and finally going through that mountain of laundry that’s been hanging out in your living room for a week, then a messy bun and Crest White Strips happen, and you realize that you are about to have a you night: party of YOU. Congrats, girl! Make sure to Instagram your toes while they’re in that little rubber thing sitting next to your glass of Merlot because you’re so Olivia Pope and caption it with the hashtag “Crazy Night with BAE” so everyone knows how into self-care you are.
No single girl can have a self-care evening that doesn’t involve the nectar of the gods, every basic bitches life support: wine. Red, white, or rosé all over – the choice is up to you. But you have to have something to sip and get yourself to the point where you might be lonely enough to text your ex. Wine is that friend who is always there for you. Always there to remind you that you aren’t pathetic, and that you’re creative. Can’t have a you-night without vino. That’s just good sense.
What else are you going to SnapChat next to your glass of wine with the caption “Living that Olivia Pope life”? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Plus, isn’t a cup of popcorn only like… 20 calories? That’s practically free – dive on into that bucket!
3. Some Season Of TV
There’s nothing more girly and, frankly, more American than lounging around getting tipsy by yourself and gorging on snack food while watching 24 straight episodes of TV. You need to have something to text your best friends who are doing the same thing about and something to comment about on social media. So what that you’re 9+ years late hopping on the Lost train!? Listen to your Pinot Noir and tweet away about how much you’d like to climb Sawyer like a tree. Go girl go!
4. Baggy Sweats
No respectable girl night happens in clothing that is suitable for viewing by anyone other than other girls and delivery men. Get into those comfy pants that can easily fit another human body around all of the elastic next to yours. Hole in the pocket from shoving a 40 in there once? Good for you. Do they have a drawstring? Even better. Is the cotton so over washed that you aren’t sure what color it was initially and it permanently smells like Downey? Best case.
Light all of the $3.49 Glade seasonal scents you want. Light enough of them until your apartment smells like a combination of fresh linen, vanilla, cardamom, key lime pie, and every other stereotypical candle scent that makes your nose very, very confused. It’s about mood lighting. It’s about treating yourself. It’s about potentially burning the place down when you inevitably pass out on the couch in a wine and Orville Redenbacher-induced coma because you’ve earned it.
6. Pore Strips
Is there anything as satisfying as ripping one of those suckers off and examining the little dirt forest of junk from your pores with the flashlight on your iPhone? No. No, there is not.
7. Crying Music
Maybe it’s Ingrid Michaelson, maybe it’s The Civil Wars, maybe it’s the soundtrack to Ever After. Whatever gets those water works going: get it playing. You’ve got your candles and your wine, so it’s really only a matter of time before you remember just how alone you are, and we all know that no good cry is as good in silence as it is with some mood music.
Your baggy sweats and t-shirt from high school volleyball are only going to keep you warm for so long. Find your fleece, no-sew, tie blanket with a rainbow camo print that everyone has from 10th Grade Deca and curl on up. Bonus points if you just say, “screw it!” and go pull your down comforter off your bed and bring it couch side. No shame. No shame at all.
9. For the Contact Wearing Girls – Glasses
If you’re a 20/20 gal, congratulations. And also, I hate you. But for my girls who aren’t sporting perfect vision, a solo night is not the night for messing with your contacts. Let ‘em soak, and put on your Clark Kent frames. Your corneas will thank you for the break.
10. More Wine
Take the wine you think you’ll drink, double it, and have a back up bottle. You’re really going to regret it if you run dry and you still have more crying to do. Don’t bust open that year-old tequila that’s in the freezer – you’re better than that..
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