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It’s ten degrees outside with a wind chill of precisely zero. After waking up at 6:50 a.m. with a mild headache, you curse yourself. The two glasses of merlot you gulped down before falling asleep to a rerun of 30 Rock? Probably not necessary, and definitely not worth the grogginess you’re feeling right now as that lukewarm water from the water heater that your landlord refuses to fix runs down your body.
“Time to suck today’s dick,” you say aloud to nobody. Your tie is tied, your jacket is on, and your boots are zipped up (with your dress shoes sitting in a bag next to your lunch for when you get to the office, obviously.)
The morning routine before work starts during the colder months of the year is really just a series of mumbles, groans, and phrases like “fuuuuuuck this,” “fuck this shit,” and simply “fuck.” It’s winter, and you don’t have another holiday to look forward to until Memorial Day. Maybe you’ve got a few PTO days saved up, but for a lot of you, there is no end in sight. The sun goes down around 5:00 p.m., and by the time you’re back home from work, it’s pitch black. But we need the winter.
It is a necessary evil. Without it, what are we? We’re Florida. We’re California. We’re Texas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama, Nevada, and fucking Lousiana. Places with zero identity, at least in terms of weather. There’s no character to a state where it’s sunny year around. Where is the adversity? Where is the seasonal depression? How exactly does one do Christmas without snow on the ground?
Don’t get me wrong. Warm weather is fantastic. But when you’ve got 365 days a year of that shit I think you lose a little bit of your edge. Snow and subzero temps knock us off of our proverbial high horses. I maintain that while it is miserable to have to go outside and scrape your windshield when it’s -2, it’s also noble.
You’re a better person for having to go through that. And whether you’re driving to work or taking public transportation I know one thing for certain: you’re never going to leave it. You’ll curse your existence. You’ll curse the cold. You’ll say “I need to move to a warm weather climate.” But guess what? You never do. Because there’s a part of you – a sick, twisted, masochistic side of you that enjoys this – the slog, the sludge, the chill of January, February, and most of March.
We need these cold winter months for exactly the same reason that we need different tires when it starts to snow outside. Have you ever been driving your car around a city at, say, 10:00 p.m. with Drake’s “Take Care” blasting? Heated seats on high? Maybe a hot cocoa in the cup holder next to you? If you’ve never done this, I highly recommend it. It’s the closest you’ll come to feeling like Batman. Everything is slowed down in the pitch dark. High beams on as snow falls gently around your smooth cruiser. “Lord Knows” featuring Rick Ross is blaring from your speakers. You can hear the rubber on your tires pushing snow down over pavement.
You’re headed back to your shitty apartment or house and it’s fucking freezing out. But you’ve got a little more character than the guy whose doing the same thing in breezy Los Angeles. A little more grit. A little more mystery. You’re a dark knight in your very own Tumbler. Embrace the cold. Yeah, it was a mild winter. But it was a hell of lot colder up here than it was down there.
And guess what? May is one week away. Which means you can put the emo Drake music away and throw “The Sign” on by Ace of Base. Maybe even some OMC “How Bizarre” if you’re feeling really saucy. Spring is here and summer is only going to last so long. It’s fleeting and that’s what makes it so good. The cold autumn breeze will be here in the blink of an eye, and unlike those states in the south, May to August is our only reprieve from short days, long nights, and snowfall from November to February.
Use this time wisely. Shirk responsibility from May to August. Skip the gym on an idle Wednesday night if the weather outside your office appears to be sunny and 75 degrees. Sundresses, cocktails, and maybe even a summer fling await you at a patio bar near you. Live it up. You didn’t trudge through snow and disgusting sludge for four-to-five months to not enjoy all of the trappings that come with summertime. Let’s go. .
Image via Unsplash
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
WOO! Let’s fucking go, Duda!
I don’t know if I’ve ever agreed with a take on this website more. Dealing with the seasons is part of who you are. If you’re not from a place that has winter, you don’t get it. That’s fine. And if you left for the sole reason beause you couldn’t deal with it, later. You probably sucked at driving in the snow anyway. Because of the harsh winter, that first nice day is that much sweeter. Can’t wait til the first pool session to show off all sweet new back hair I got this winter.
The cold weather crowd does some serious mental gymnastics to rationalize living with subzero temperatures.
“The winter makes you appreciate the spring and summer.”
But…it does…
Graduating Penn State and moving to Costa Rica in a couple of weeks… While I can’t say I’ll miss those freezing nights with nothing but a button down to separate my freezing body from the arctic chills – I’d be lying if being outside during the summer doesn’t feel way sweeter after the exterior has been destitute for months
There’s nothing better than spending a hot summer Saturday pounding beers by the pool with your friends.
Don’t know if I agree with your cold weather take though, the reason I stay in the Midwest is for my family, friends, and job. It’s sure as hell not for the god awful January-March period
We need a big game out of you tonight
There is one thing better. Pounding beers in the boat on the lake with your friends
How do people have the discipline to save their PTO?
Name checks out
Not getting paid during company shutdown in December is a good incentive…
Texas has no identity in terms of weather? Lol. You need to visit Abilene, Amarillo or anywhere in the panhandle.
Lived in Dallas for 3+ years. If it’s anything like that, it’s essentially 9 months of sunburn, and 1-3 months of “cold” and occasional ice. It was basically heaven. Oppressively hot heaven.
Boy oh boy, JD. You went and talked shit about Texas. Normally I would take offense but when I realize most hate is born from jealously, I’ll let this one slide. Just because your wool socks and sandals were uncomfortable down here doesn’t mean we have no weather identity. How dare you
Texas doesn’t cold? How about the 30k head of cattle killed in Winter Storm Goliath two winters ago. Panhandle is a bitch and a half in the winter.
I take any criticism JD has about Texas with a grain of salt since he couldn’t hack it a year down here. I’ll second that Abilene and Amarillo suck at the winter time but Palo Duro Canyon in the winter time is pretty great.
Spent a week last year between Stamford and Avoca, during that time we experienced snow, flooding, 35-40 mph constant winds, and 75 degree highs. My body has never been so confused.
I imagine the weather identity there is how I like my ladies…hot and moist. Sorry. I’ll show myself out…
It’s going to be 90 in DC on Sunday, my friends and I are taking the boat out for the first time this year. I can’t wait for a Summer out on the water almost every weekend.
It snowed in Minnesota today. I hate you.
I’ll take my high 50s/mid 60s San Francisco weather year round and not have to deal with shitty snow screwing with my commute or the heat making me hate my life.
If I ever want snow in the winter, Tahoe is 3 hours away and if I ever want heat in the summer, all I have to do is drive 30 minutes north, east or south.
Wait, how do you afford to live in San Fran? I was supposed to move there but couldn’t find a place to live. Please advise like asap
It’s actually not too bad if you live further out toward the ocean. The rent can be up to $1,000 a month cheaper than some of the more “hip” areas like the Marina or SOMA and you’re still a 15 minute Uber ride from them.
Of course I grew up here, this is stuff most people who move here as adults don’t really know.
Dude, I went to some family’s house in the foothills who were renting out their guest house (pool house) thing and they wanted $10,000 a month
Not surprised, but there’s definitely value if you look carefully and hard enough.
Yeah true. My work only gave me 3 days to find a place. During my hunt on the second day I witnessed a drug shooting in South San Fran and had to be questioned by police since I was there and had my camera on me. Needless to say, I didn’t end up living in the only affordable place I saw in that area
Sounds like you were walking through the Tenderloin
There’s also some super shady parts of South SF, which is actually a totally different city from SF.
The micro neighborhoods here are crazy, Nob Hill is like 7 blocks from the Tenderloin and yet the difference between the two is night and day. You gotta know what areas you can go to and what you can avoid. I’ve lived in SF proper (not one of the surrounding suburbs) since I was 7 and have never been involved in anything shady. Except for that one time I stole candy from Walgreens when I was 16 to show a girl that I liked that I was a badass.
Heading to SF in two weeks for vacation. Any suggestions on where to go (hotels in fishermans warf)?
First time here? If so, check out the usual tourist stuff. They’re overdone but still pretty cool.
Otherwise, check out ATT Park for a Giants game or if you have the money, Oracle for a Warriors playoff game. Explore Golden Gate Park and all the random crap in there. Hit up El Farolito for the best burrito you’ll have in your life. Check out Zeitgeist for its massive on tap beer selection, beer garden and eclectic SF crowd. If you’re going to do a nice dinner, check out La Mar and try to get a patio seat. It has amazing ceviche and Peruvian food and the patio is right on the water so it’s really cool.
I second hitting up zeitgeist
Third, place ceases to get old. Just get the hell out of Fisherman’s Wharf.
Yes, it is my first time in SF. Thanks Bill!
Do yourself a favor and stay anywhere but Fisherman’s Wharf. Alcatraz is a surprisingly fun tour and I recommend at least one drink at one if the hotel rooftop bars at night Top of the Mark or the View are both great.
I feel like this is something that could only happen to you, Nived
This article coupled with the fact that I’m moving closer to DC next weekend just in time for the summer has me feeling like I’m in a damn Chainsmokers music video. Duda, if you’re ever in DC hit me up.
This is a good column