Stay Woke In Alberta, A Car-Licking Moose Is Terrorizing The Streets

Meanwhile, in Canada, the Alberta Parks Department has issued a moose warning. A moose, or possibly multiple moose (“moose” is the plural form of moose, by the way – look it up), is posing a threat to Alberta residents in the Chester Lake and Burstall Pass parking lots and nearby trails.


The moose is just going to town on the salt on the side of cars with no regard for human life. Trampling anyone in its path and swallowing small children whole.

Always a good idea to “sound a car horn or use your remote door alarm to deter moose to regain access into your vehicle.” Don’t be a hero, people, and “do not attempt to push moose away from your vehicle while on foot.” That’s a death sentence. I also recommend that you observe moose from a safe 30 meters away to increase reaction time and evadability. Be sure to keep your dog on a leash, as well, as the moose is sure to run him down and clobber his brains out.

It’s interesting which types of wildlife pose threats in different parts of the world. In Zimbabwe, check your surroundings before walking to your car for that morning commute or a lioness might snatch you and rip your throat out. Be on the lookout for ravenous badgers in central Texas or they may spill your guts out all over your hill country ranch. A deadly bull shark may be lurking near the mouth of the Mississippi so think twice before taking a dip in the gulf.

And if you’re in Alberta near the Chester Lake and Burstall Pass parking lots, that moose is ready to wear your brains on its hooves.

P.S. Moose can downright MOVE.

[via Alberta Parks Advisories]

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Dillon graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email:

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