I love a good top-shelf drink. I’m not afraid to drop a few extra bucks when the time is right. Gentleman’s Jack? I’ll do it. Normally, I’m a Woodford or Knob Creek guy, but that works for me if I’m feeling like tossing out a VP vibe. But Starbucks coffee? Are we willing to drop top dollar for high-end closer juice? Because they’re banking on it.
Starbucks co-founder Howard Schultz will be stepping down from his role as chief executive to devote his time to building 1,000 new Reserve brand stores. The aim is to “build a new prestige brand” in order to boost their profile with generic millennials like us. We aren’t satisfied with paying $5 for decent coffee. No, we must pay more because we have reached a new level of scum.
Reserve stores will exclusively sell and serve exotic, small-lot coffees that can cost $50 per 8-ounce bag. Executives expect customers to stay longer and spend more, driving twice the financial returns of typical Starbucks stores, which have average unit sales of about $1.6 million annually.
The question isn’t whether I’m going to feel like a tool when I’m drinking it, because that’s a given. But what kind of tool will I be when I sit down at a meeting and someone comments on the wonderful scent originating from my piping hot beverage.
“That Starbucks smells great.”
“It’s actually Starbucks Reserve. Thaaaaanks!”
Dammit, I can’t wait to blog from one of these spots. That has to be the mecca of young shitty adult writers. At the moment, there are Reserve bars in only a handful of major cities, including New York City. As soon as we land a “Reserve” in Austin, I’ll be sure to tell you all about it. For now, it’s Donut House k-cups all day long..