Southern Food Is The Best And It’s Not Even Close

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When Warren Buffett was asked by the New York Times to address the “unhealthiness” of one of his largest investments, Coca-Cola, the greatest soda company on Earth, Warren had a great response in Berkshire Hathaway’s annual meeting. “I elect to get my 2,600 or 2,700 calories a day from things that make me feel good when I eat them…I have not seen evidence that convinces me that it’ll be more likely I reach 100 if I suddenly switched to water and broccoli,” he asserted. A cop out? Perhaps, but he makes an excellent point. Eating healthy is miserable, which is why it is so hard to stick to a diet. Taking the breading off a chicken breast kills its appeal by 69%. I’m not suggesting you completely throw your health to the wind considering obesity isn’t the most attractive thing in the world, but it doesn’t hurt on occasion to fill your diet with delicious, orgasm-inducing foods. For me, and this is my recommendation, this is made up of the best food in the world: Southern food.

There is a bit of empirical evidence to support my claim before I even get into the delectable details: why do you think obesity rates in the South are through the roof? Because it’s near impossible not to enjoy gorging on fried anything. The South brought us Chick-Fil-A. That’s almost evidence enough.

You haven’t lived until you’ve had Southern comfort food. Fried chicken, fried green tomatoes, hushpuppies, Southern style pork barbecue with vinegar-based sauce, collard greens cooked with ham for flavor, sweet tea, cornbread, shoofly and pecan pie, peach cobbler, buttery biscuits and gravy, grits, fried okra, country ham, soft-shell crab, and black eyed peas. And don’t forget Louisiana Cajun/Creole food like gumbo, jambalaya, crawfish, fried po’ boys, andouille sausage, beignets, shrimp and grits, shrimp creole, pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, shrimp etouffee *Bubba Blue voice*. Talk about a food boner. There is no traditionally Southern food that isn’t delicious. I hate tomatoes but I’ll wolf down a plate of fried green tomatoes like a Rwandan refugee.

Fried chicken is the best known, obviously. Salty, greasy, tender meat, and pure deliciousness, and it’s sometimes glazed in honey if you are really set on getting type 2 diabetes. Hushpuppies are basically dough-fried dough, and you can feel your arteries clogging with every bite. Southern barbecue — specifically Carolina barbecue — is amazing. You need to attend at least one pig picking in your life, and the vinegar-based sauce gives it a little kick to emphasize the spice over the sweet. Sweet tea is not the same as iced tea with sweetener — it’s brewed hot with the sweetener or sugar to ensure an even distribution of sweetness throughout the drink. The only way to make buttery biscuits better is to smother them in gravy. Shoofly pie and peach cobbler are two different delicious tastes that cause two different kinds of sugar highs. With the proper roux, gumbo can be food coma-inducing reminiscent of your last sex coma. Good beignets are better than donuts. Finally, jambalaya always fills you up and puts a little spice in your life.

The South doesn’t really need to spice up its food with anything too fancy. When in doubt, fry it. Great rule to live by. It may easily eclipse Warren’s 2,600-to-2,700 daily calories, but I’ll trade a day in the gym for a pulled pork sandwich smothered in Carolina barbecue sauce topped off with peach cobbler for dessert. And maybe a bottle of Coca-Cola Classic.

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