Sorry, But Your Stupid Standing Desk Isn’t Helping You Lose Weight

Sorry, But Your Stupid Standing Desk Isn't Helping You Lose Weight

Last year, when I was relatively new at my office, a coworker of mine asked for a standing desk when HR made their yearly round of purchasing office furniture in an effort to stop us from bitching at them. I thought it was an interesting idea, although not really up my alley – all I wanted was a nicer chair that didn’t smell like hot Cheetos and ball sweat. I got my chair, and HR ended up getting my coworker her standing desk. It was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen.

My coworker didn’t really consider the fact that she asked for a standing-only desk, and she wasn’t able to move it down if she wanted to sit. As a result, she was either forced to stand for hours on end or she’d perch awkwardly on the table where the rest of our computers sat and try to type with her her hands above her head. All this did was result in me having to stare at her blue underwear and ass crack, which were about level with my face. And yet, she acted like her stupid standing desk was the greatest thing in the world, and that all of us lesser, sedentary folk should feel inferior to her athleticism and all the extra calories she was burning by standing. But now, I have science to back up my opinion of standing desks—they’re not nearly as useful as they sound in theory, and if you thought getting one would help you burn off a few extra pounds, you thought wrong.

According to a new study, people who stand for fifteen minute periods at work only burn eight to nine more calories than those who only sit. What does that mean? It means your standing desk isn’t doing shit about your beer belly. Walking was proven much more effective, and those who walked for fifteen minutes per hour burned roughly 130 more calories than sitting or standing. Standing at work isn’t the worst thing ever; it’s true. It’s still better than sitting continuously for eight hours in terms of back pain and blood sugar regulation, but if you’re really working on that summer bod, taking a walk with your work spouse is a way better idea. Or, at the very least, get a mobile standing desk that gives you the option to sit down, so your coworkers don’t have to suffer the way I did. Trust me, they’ll thank you.

[via Esquire / NCBI]

Image via Shutterstock

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Rory Gilmore

Rory Gilmore on the outside. Emily Gilmore on the inside. Email me funny shit at

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