Regardless of whether you call it “beer pong” or “Beirut,” Pong is a game that has taken our nation by storm.
Whether it’s being played by celebrities like Jimmy Fallon and Helen Hunt , your grandma , NBA stars such as Kevin Love or…Jimmy Fallon again, beer pong is clearly here to stay. Who’s to say why it’s so popular? The simplicity? The desire to destroy your friends and smite your enemies? Or perhaps the ease in which it gets you fucked up beyond recognition.
But I’ll tell you what pong doesn’t need: disc golf compatibility.
Ugh. Disc golf. Why did it have to be disc golf.
A couple of guys (read: total goobers) invented an ungodly hybrid of disc golf and beer pong that, quite frankly, looks like antique bondage equipment.
They took America’s most annoying pastime and made it look like a prop from a Miley Cyrus concert. And they want you to pay for it! They’re looking for $10,000 for the patent.
Only, instead of posting a video of themselves playing the game, they put up a picture of their “invention.” And it’s not even a high-quality image (see above), so it’s basically a slightly-blurry picture of Red Solo Cups with nipple clamps on top of them.
How do you play the game? Doesn’t say. So, I guess you have to know disc golf to know how to play and find it appealing. Considering I’ve heard the phrase “disc golf” maybe three times in my life, including today, I’m out. I assume it’s just throwing a frisbee into a basket, a’la Golf.
But…does that mean there’s mini-discs that come with the game? Are these full-sized cups that can accommodate a Frisbee? The GoFundMe page doesn’t explain THAT either. I’ll tell you that the items that get most commonly lost in a game of beer pong are the pong balls themselves, but at least they’re easily replaceable. If I lose a specially-made mini frisbee, I’ll probably just never end up playing the game ever again.
To be fair, I’m sure there’s a niche market for this. Hipsters would play this, and according to the GoFundMe, disc golf is “one of the fastest growing sports in the country. It is played recreationally, and professionally world-wide” (go figure). So, someone would clearly buy this, if it ever got made. Considering it has raised $60 in two days, I’ll call it “unlikely” for now.
But when something is simple and fun, I say leave it be. There’s enough fantastic variants of beer pong that are so simple and don’t require discs and bondage chains. There’s Russian Roulette pong, where you put a cup of vodka in randomly with the cups of beer; Battleship, where you arrange the beers in a Battleship formation and put up a massive divider; and even Quidditch beer pong seems more reasonable than this farkakte mess.
Maybe I’m a bitter, grumpy adult, but I say don’t mess with success..
Image via Shutterstock