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Well, that’s that. As we nurse what has absolutely been the longest hangover in existence and avoid eye-contact with the scale thanks to our recent diets of strictly candy and alcohol, the time has come to say goodbye to Halloween. Whether you went all out with the costumes, and the decorations, and the parties, or you just sat on your couch binging Stranger Things and waiting for the holiday to pass, it’s official — Halloween is o-v-e-r.
Which, of course, means one thing and one thing one: It’s Christmastime, bitches.
Okay, okay. Thanksgiving comes first. And I know, not *everyone* celebrates Christmas. But whatever religion you are, you can’t deny the fact that as soon as we turn our calendars over to November (or when our iPhones switch the month over. I mean, does anyone even have a physical calendar anymore?), that’s when the *real* holiday season starts.
Even though stores have been taking Halloween shit down and putting up trees for the last two weeks, it doesn’t matter. We looked the other way. We chose not to wander the tinsel-covered aisles as we sucked on our gourd-flavored coffees and wondered what Halloween costume would convince everyone that we’re not only fun and attractive, but also worthy of getting a million Instagram likes.
But, now that we can pack away our wigs, our pumpkins, and our fake lightheartedness at the idea of death (just me?), it’s time to get serious. It’s time to make room for what’s really important.
Peppermint mocha coffee, gift-giving anxiety, and seasonal depression, baby. It’s all happening. There’s no time to waste!
This morning, as I snoozed my alarm, not one, not two, but six times, the radio station that jolts me out of my sleep wasn’t playing the top hits or the Monster Mash. They were playing It’s Begining To Look A Lot Like Christmas. They were pumping out Christmas bangers like it was nobody’s business. (Okay, that’s a lie. Not about the snoozing six times thing. I absolutely do that. I mean, that’s a lie about waking up to a radio station and said station playing Christmas music. Still, you believed it, right?) Because for most of us, come November 1st, the holiday season is in full swing.
I mean, Mariah Carey is already feeling her stock rise as visions of her in a slutty little Santa outfit dance on our Instagram feeds.
And sure, some people feel that starting Christmas the day after Halloween is a bit much. I mean, can’t we even have a week to relax? And to that, I say bah-fucking-humbug. Anyone who’s anyone knows that Halloween started on September 1st. That means we’ve had two whole months dedicated to skulls, and scary movies, and sugar-induced comas. And that holiday doesn’t even come with presents.
So, why, exactly, can’t we have two months of Christmas? Or Hanukkah? Or fucking “winter holiday season?” Yeah, it’s excessive. But otherwise it’s just life, and life can be pretty freaking dull. That’s what the shitty summer months are for — being sad, skinny, and basically holiday-less. Why not pack your haterade up with your slutty skeleton costume and join us? Sure, it’s cliché to be just as in love with Christmas as you are with Halloween but hey. Being a little basic never hurt nobody. Happy holidays, haters..
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Rachel Varina
if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com
@rachelvarina
@rachelvarina
After Thanksgiving please.
Everyday is Christmas when you find Jesus and let his beautiful light help guide you through your world lol
For the record, I added the Christmas thing but someone actually said that to me on the train into work today and this is one of the many reason why I hate public transportation and the public
they ended that with a “lol”? you live in a strange place buddy.
The lol is my little trademark on here to let ppl know that I’m being sarcastic but also being serious at the same time so Peoole don’t take it too seriously and go kill themselves or something
Starting the Christmas season on Nov 1 is a trash move for trash people.
8 weeks of anything is too much for me. 4.5 weeks after Thanksgiving is plenty of time for me to gain 20 pounds off of eggnog.
HELL NO! Thanksgiving is when I start feeling in the Christmas mood. I went into Carson’s the other day to get a package out of an Amazon locker and it was decorated top to bottom with Christmas décor. #toosoon.
I never really cared about this early Christmas stuff until last weekend I went to buy a new outdoor dinning table and chairs (fall in Houston isn’t cold, it’s just perfect eat outside weather) but all I found was stores overrun with Christmas stuff and absolutely zero options for outdoor dinning.
Shout out to Highland village for not even waiting till Halloween
It’s the same in Memorial City.
I used to go there for the movie theatre, I’m all in on City Centre now.
I don’t go, just drive by it on the way to work. City Centre parking is pure hell though.
Peppermint Mocha > Pumpkin Spice Latte tbh
The article title made me LOL
Drink enough peppermint schnapps and you’ll think it’s always Christmas
Can I get in on that Mariah Carey stock? I got a hunch….